Single men and the women they choose

I read a statement the other day which propelled me to write oodles of words about this topic, from past experiences to current observations. Before I share them, I want to know what you think.

Note: in some cases the quote below may trigger memories from your youth, in other cases, it may apply to present circumstances, either your own or of people around you.

Men tend to choose women who will make them look good to other men.

(paraphrased)

Be honest (but respectful).

See you in the comments.

22 thoughts on “Single men and the women they choose

  1. For sure there are men (and women) who choose a spouse or a date that will prop them up to the sexes or peers. Is this all men (and women) no. I think media plays into this a lot. That’s why the low hanging fruit about gold diggers is a tired joke now. Have I? Nope, although I consider my husband to be a sexy catch. Here’s the catch though. They might be the person you brag about to others but are they really the person for you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The article made a distinction – “some” women go for $, not looks.

      I don’t know. That’s a whole other topic.

      But certainly in my youth “landing” a guy with a certain look to “show off” to her gal pals existed in some circles.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I really can’t say that this was true for me. I was attracted to people for reasons that sometimes I didn’t even fathom, and most men (and boys) rarely understood my fascination. What I did find was that when I was with an attractive woman, many other woman paid more attention to me–whether that was because they thought I was now a catch or because they wondered how I managed to be with such a beautiful woman, I cannot say.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. My ex was like that a little bit. He took a little pride in other men finding me attractive… as long as I was oblivious and didn’t find them attractive too. He also had a mean jealous streak.
    Now that I think of it, it’s the same thing… viewing me as “his”, a possession. UGH!🙄

    Liked by 1 person

  4. After being active on a dating discussion forum of 99% of men for a few years, this is a subject I can really get my teeth into so I’ll bite. I do think that yes, men probably seek validation in looking good to other men but I don’t think it out weighs what they personally go for. I think it’s no different to many women over us all enjoying some social acceptance over others. I think some people do probably date for appearances. Men are more visual based so get validation from dating someone attractive by conventional standards although I don’t think it out weights what THEY find attractive. Women conventionally are meant to prefer men with more economic success but on paper, I don’t think I’ve ever really dated anyone who was more economically seen as successful than me in the sense of it. And I am a low wage minimalist. But being never married at 48 and struggling to match with people my whole life, I think is partly due to the feminist movement where I am meant to be pretty AND economically successful to obtain a partner now. And over the years, I’ve fallen short of the requirements for both, relative to dating. Great discussion topic, Claudia.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So I have a whole theory about this. I have blogged about it a few times. I believe that I have a perspective which is different from a lot of people. I am married but date single men for casual relationships. I have met a lot of different men in different situations; hostile divorces, amicable divorces, never been married, cheaters (not for sex those ones!) Even men like me, married happily, honest with their partners and just out there enjoying what life has to offer. I also attend lifestyle events and get to witness relationships in action, up close and personal.

    Is there a universal truth about what men are looking for?

    Mostly they are just looking for somewhere to park their DNA. This aspect is a deep instinctive drive that they don’t understand or connect with mostly. Instead they try and explain what drives them with more, or less, socially acceptable reasons. To achieve this they will lie, cheat and generally try to outmanoeuvre all competition, men and women who seek to restrain their base instinct.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a follow-up post and an alterior motive for posting this quote. Stay tuned. 🙃

      It’s American Thanksgiving today and Black Friday tomorrow so I expect the blog world to be a bit quiet for a few days. The bulk of my engagement comes from the USA.

      But hold on to your hat when I post next. 🤠

      I always enjoy reading about your adventures. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I think that might be true on some level, but it’s not a good foundation for a long term relationship. I think it’s better to choose someone who makes us feel safe and appreciated. What others think is their own business. Interestingly, my previous relationship which was a mistake had most people wonder why we were together, so sometimes the view from the outside may be more accurate than you realize.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I think a lot of men choose the prettiest woman that “they can get” – and my choice of words is deliberate. In my experience, an awful lot of people see their partners as objects that can be acquired and/or used. It’s probably not as bad as I make it sound, but yeah… there are a lot of transactional relationships around.

    Somebody I went to school with married somebody older with money. In her own words – “I’m no fool – I knew what I was doing”.

    In the pre-pandemic world of travelling with work I would often find myself in coffee shops mid-morning ahead of a meeting, and witness the arrival of an army of trophy mums just after school drop-ff – with perfect hair, perfect makeup, label clothes, strollers made of carbon fibre, and young children dressed like small adults. It always made me wonder (a) where all the money came from, and (b) how old their husbands were.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Absolutely. Different people are attracted to different things. I thought it was an urban myth until I worked in the city for a couple of years. The shock (for me) was not just how material the men were, but how mercenary the women were too.

        Liked by 2 people

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