Pushing past comfort zones
Samantha went into her bedroom with Adam’s tickets for his concert and put them on her dresser. She stood in the middle of the small room and looked at the floor-length mirrored sliding doors of her closet.
She needed something to wear to this event. But what?
Slowly, she wandered to her closet and slid open the doors. Did she have something appropriate to wear to a rock concert?
As suspected, she didn’t, not really. She dug around for a bit and came across a few older pieces from years ago that might suit for this occasion.
These tops might do with the black jeans, she contemplated, holding them in front of her and looking in the mirror. She liked what she saw; understated elegance.
I’m not comfortable in flamboyant clothes anyway, she admitted to herself and checked her assortment of boots at the back of the closet. She had several choices there; she may not have a large selection of fancy clothes, but she did have a bit of a boot fetish…
Samantha smiled. She inspected her choices; should she pick the higher heeled, sexy boots, or the lower, more comfortable ones? What about the short ankle boots with the slim heels? She considered she might have to do a lot of standing at the concert venue and debated back and forth for a while.
Screw it, she concluded after surveying her options. I like the knee-high, taller ones. They’re going to go well with the rest of my outfit, she concluded happily.
Then she turned her attention to her underwear drawer.
Ugh, was the only reaction she could muster while digging around her bras and panties. She couldn’t possibly wear these to a concert. Her stuff was comfortable but not really sexy or attractive.
Then again, what difference did it make what kind of panties she wore? She pondered the question as that tingling feeling, the one she felt this morning upon waking, distracted her again.
Samantha sighed and reached toward the back of her drawer to see if she still had some of the lacy stuff she used to wear occasionally, back when such things mattered. There were a few choices; black, charcoal, and a Merlot-coloured shade of red. The only thing was she didn’t know if they still fit.
A lot happened in recent years. Her body changed, and so had her image of herself. Samantha glanced at the mirrored closet doors and turned to her side. Checking out her profile, she decided she could do with a bit of dressing up. At 5’5″ she wasn’t tall, but not exactly short either. With the heeled boots she could elevate by about a couple of inches, a thought that pleased her more than it should.
Turning toward the other side, she decided she needed to try on the panties and bra set. Which one was better?
She wanted to see how they looked on her, and more importantly, if they fit well enough to be comfortable. She tried the red one on first, then the black one.
I kind of like the black, she thought as she analyzed her reflection. Even though she quite a bit curvier now than before kids. Besides, curves aren’t necessarily a bad thing, she continued her internal dialogue.
She let some minutes pass and decided the black set would stay on her body. She may as well have a little fun wearing something different. She wanted to feel special, and wearing sexy underwear added that little bit of something that had been missing in her life lately.
Samantha picked out the rest of her clothes based on how she would blend in rather than stand out. She put on a silver-grey fitted top, black jeans, and zipped up her heeled black boots. Then she carefully chose some earrings and a necklace which didn’t seem too obtrusive.
She glanced once more in the mirror and decided she looked fine. Maybe even better than fine. Especially because of the boots. They added that something extra, something that gave her a bit of confidence with the elevated height. She nodded approvingly at her reflection in the mirror.
In order to get to the venue where Adam was playing, she would have to leave pretty soon. There was always extra traffic to battle during winter weather, and she didn’t really know where she was going to park.
I don’t wanna be late, she thought as she reached for the envelope with the tickets and note from Adam.
Finally, she felt ready to go. Grabbing her coat and keys, she locked the door behind her and got into her car.
Samantha was going to a concert tonight because she was invited and she didn’t say no.
On the way to the concert, Samantha contemplated her life, particularly relating to her relationships with men. Since her separation a couple of years ago, she hadn’t really gone out with anyone, although there had been a few casual invitations to have coffee. She considered joining a club, or maybe go on an excursion to meet people, but frankly, she just wasn’t up for it yet.
The dating apps scared her half to death. She’d heard, and read, too many horror stories. She didn’t want to end up a serial dater. It just wasn’t her thing.
She had no desire to go back to mediocre relationships. Not even for sex’s sake.
I’m never going to date someone out of desperation or loneliness again, she vowed, thinking of some of her friends who were emotionally distraught while navigating the roller-coaster that is online dating.
Driving carefully along the slick, snow-covered roads, she turned on the radio to listen to some music.
Maybe they’ll play one of Adam’s songs, she hoped, kicking herself for not having updated her playlist before leaving. For now, the radio was playing other music of his generation, which helped her get in the mood at least.
Samantha tried to recall the last time she went out for some fun during her marriage of 18 years. She realized they didn’t really date each other once they were married, and especially not after the kids came. They barely had time to think about their own entertainment while parenting and working full-time. Even their sex life was ordinary and mechanical. If they had sex at all, that is. It didn’t seem a priority to set aside time for intimacy, and besides, she didn’t really understand what all the fuss was about when it came to sex. He penetrated and ejaculated, then turned over and went to sleep.
I guess this is what married sex is like, Samantha thought wistfully as she checked the map on the navigation screen of her dash for her upcoming exit.
Her ex-husband, a nice and gentle, hard-working man proved to be a stable partner and solid parent for most of their marriage. But in terms of a romantic partner, Samantha just never felt complete.
She questioned her mental state when she pined for romance and sexual fulfillment – did she want or need a man to complete her? It wasn’t like her to be so needy and dependent, quite the opposite. She yearned for something that was missing from their life. Some excitement, or a bit of adventure, and maybe some romance even. And a more adventurous sex life. But there was a lack of sparks and almost no heat between them, especially after the babies arrived. They were comfortable, there was love, but Samantha felt restless and unfulfilled once the kids started school.
She glanced into the rear-view mirror at her reflection. Was she still attractive? Did she like herself? She hadn’t given it much thought lately, but this thing with Adam woke something up in her.
The snow fell and made the road slick and dangerous. She slowed down and focused on staying in her lane. It was hard to see, but the tracks from the cars ahead helped guide her. The snow plows were out in full force, thankfully, so she wasn’t too worried about being late to the concert.
Her thoughts returned to her marriage. Did she regret her decision to marry Tim?
She didn’t think so. Not really. They had a decent run and two amazing kids. When the time came to divorce, they even managed to separate without drama, keeping things cordial and on point. The divorce was a relatively ordinary event. Everything was divided, their lawyers and accountants figured out their financials, and both she and Tim agreed without debate on a custody arrangement that benefited the kids.
Samantha felt oddly relieved when it was over, but not exactly sad or unhappy. She had never been afraid of being alone, which was a relative luxury anyway with young children.
Tim had kept the house she had no desire to hold on to, which allowed the kids to keep their rooms and routine. Samantha found herself a cute townhouse close to the kids’ schools. It was an end unit bordering a park which was almost the same as having a house with a garden, just much less work. She also had a little patio at the back facing the park, giving her privacy during those summer mornings when she sat outside in her little nighty having her coffee.
One thing was for sure though, she thought as she navigated the snowy highway toward the concert venue. She had no desire to start a serious relationship now.
Which is why this thing was Adam confused her a little.
It’s not every day one gets knocked into snowbanks by celebrities, Samantha reflected.
She smiled to herself as she remembered the circumstanced under which she met Adam. She pushed aside her anxiety about flying solo tonight and forced herself to look forward to an adventure.
Tonight was kind of a big deal for her. Going to a concert by herself was a huge step outside of her comfort zone.
“You wanted adventure all this time,” she told her reflection in the rear-view mirror. “Now here’s your chance. Get a grip and relax. It’s gonna be fun.”
And with those remarks, she pulled into the parking lot of the concert venue.
To be continued – Chapter 4
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