Letting go of control: dishwasher

Let me start by saying this:

There is only one correct way to load the dishwasher.

Now, let’s learn how to let go of control.

Step 1

Adjust my attitude and accept that there are multiple correct ways to load the dishwasher, but mine is the best one.


Step 2

Learn to think that as long as it all fits, it doesn’t matter how the dishwasher is loaded.

(this gives me OCD)

Step 3

Learn to say this to the famdamily:

Since I am the only one who empties the dishwasher I have a right to demand order in the dishwasher which facilities the emptying portion of dishwasher duty.

(this doesn’t work because they just ignore me)

Step 4

A slightly passive-aggressive method of communication could be along the lines of this statement:

Your job is to empty the dishwasher and refill it as part of your household responsibilities. Fill it any which way you like as long as you also empty it when it is done. If you want to learn what is efficient, I’m happy to show you my way.


Step 5

Grin and bear it when chaos (or unfinished dishwasher duty) prevails.


I got home yesterday afternoon and cleaned for four hours. I’m not done but I can live with it for now. Having left them alone for almost two weeks resulted in a few interesting adjustments in terms of how the household was run but all in all, it wasn’t bad. They did alright, and this encourages me to plan future getaways.

For instance, the bathroom had toilet paper stocked. This is pretty cool for people who don’t know how to change an empty toilet paper roll.

Never mind that the hand towel in the bathroom was wet and dirty. No one thought of replacing it with a clean one.

They also washed and folded the bed sheets. It’s unimportant that they were folded incorrectly (we don’t have a linen closet and folding them a certain way ensures they all fit in that spot in the adult clothes closet). It is also unimportant that they were mixed up – the kids twin sheets with the queen sized ones. Sorry, this gives me OCD. Then, I noticed the queen bed needed fresh sheets and when I reached for the set I wanted, the entire pile of mixed together sheets fell on my head which rendered the (incorrect) folding and putting away moot.

I stared at the pile of messed up sheets on the floor and threw them in an empty laundry basket. I’ll re-fold them later. (OCD, again). (Blah)

Also, the fridge, which I had stocked full of mostly nutritious but ready to eat food was still relatively full, indicating that they did eat out more often than I had anticipated/hoped. Which is unfortunate but can’t be helped. I realize what happened was when he was out picking up lumber or supplies, he probably passed food establishments and since the kids stopped doing any and all chores, including food prep, at the onset of the pandemic, I can understand that pick-up is much easier.

It’s all good. None of the food was spoiled and I am back at the helm in the kitchen. Also, the chore chart is back on the fridge and sooner or later, I will find a way to get them back on track.

We both dropped the ball with the kids during all the lockdown stress, but I will openly admit that it’s been mostly three against one. I do not shy away from conflict, mainly because in this instance (chores and responsibilities), the conflict is short-lived. Kids, teenagers especially, will push boundaries and I can accept that to a degree. I solo-parented on and off long enough to know that a transition period will get everyone back on track, but I need both adults to be on the same page and expect and enforce the same things. It will take time to get that back, hopefully before school begins anew in September.

We shall see.

In the meantime, the deck they built out back is wonderful and expected to be finished by the end of this week (if it stops raining – this has delayed a few activities temporarily).

Now, about the dishwasher: is there or isn’t there a correct way to load it?

See you in the comments.

61 thoughts on “Letting go of control: dishwasher

  1. Alas… I have never had a dishwasher. I make Daughter wash dishes now cuz she & Ben dirty most of them.
    I no longer cook, I don’t wash dishes… I DO trash/recycling, bathroom, and all errands so it works out.

    Chore Chart is the way to go. Make sure all four names are on there. Yes, Dad works, but he can help around the house too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dad does more than his share and sometimes causes enabling the kids’ laissez-faire attitude. I’d like to give HIM a day off sometimes… 😉

      I try to explain, doing it FOR them enables them to keep not doing it…

      It’s a journey. 🙄

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I do the bulk of the cooking in our house plus I work full time. Mr Jones does not. The dishwasher is the responsibility of No1 Son. I do not care how he loads it or unloads it as long as it is done!! My measure of done? There aren’t stacks of dishes on the sink.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yup, my cousin used to unload and reload the dishwasher after his wife and kids had stacked it; they used to roll their eyes, but he just couldn’t help himself.

    I’ve noticed I definitely stack it better than my son, but as long as it’s all in there, I don’t care anymore! Pick your battles I reckon 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ya got me, it wasn’t until I moved into this apartment that I had dishwasher that wasn’t attached to my body. My wife prefers to load and won’t tell me if I am doing it wrong..so usually she loads, I run , I unload..,I cook, I take out the garbage, she takes out recycling…She cleans the bathroom, I clean the kitchen…Although we are both quite messy and very rarely dust unless it aggravates my allergies

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is so relatable. I know several people, myself included, who have a “correct” way to stack a dishwasher and who, myself included, rearrange the dishes before turning it on. Men and teenagers don’t seem to understand efficiently. Or they just can’t be bothered. Or they like to yank our chains, which does make us paranoid at times. These days it only bothers me when I am tired or cranky so I guess I have mostly let it go. But not totally.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re a nut. 😀

      I have disposable stuff in house. But not a housekeeper. I sometimes wonder if they think I’m the housekeeper…

      Also, you forgot Tucker. He’s quite apt at licking stuff clean. 😛


  6. Yeah I totally agree. I’m really anal when it comes to loading the dishwasher and a number of other things too. Guess it’s my OCD showing it’s ugly side, especially when the wife does things different just to annoy me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am mainly good about the dishwasher…except when they can’t fit in stuff that should be fittable. I go with multiple ways as long as dishes end up clean. As for sheets…we take off the sheets, wash them and put them back on the bed. We rotate the sets out quarterly. This stops the I’ll folding of sheets and saves time

    Liked by 2 people

  8. There is only one way to load the dishwasher. As long as my family puts things in, I rearrange to how I like it. I figure getting stuff in is a big enough step for them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it is. I do not appreciate a half-empty dishwasher and a pile of dirty dishes placed directly above the dishwasher. It would surprise you how often this happens. What do they think I am, a maid? An unpaid maid? Put them in the dishwasher… 😛


      1. There’s one of my son playing hockey that keeps moving and hangs there crooked. Just slightly but enough for me to feel annoyed by it. I see it all the time, but no one else sees it, which leads to the question why we have anything on the wall at all. (I love empty spaces and walls).

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Since I have a bit of OCD also, I would say there is definitely a correct way to load the dishwasher. Also, the dishes have to be rinsed first.
    I hate unloading the dishwasher, so I never load it. I just wash it by hand, no matter how there is to be washed.
    I hope your deck gets finished soon so you can start enjoying it!
    Blessings! ♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand the handwashing. My mom has no dishwasher so we take turns doing the dishes by hand there. I don’t mind so much for one or two people, but a busy family of four which contains two teenagers who never stop eating it gets a little too much. WHICH IS WHY THEY SHOULD BE DOING THE DISHWASHER… lol

      Thank you for commenting. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. There is a correct way, however, if they are loading & unloading it, then I would close my eyes. If everyone loads, then a training session may be necessary….


  11. The correct way to load a dishwasher depends in part on the individual dishwasher, as the proper arrangement will allow for the most dishes to be fit in at one time, yet still adequately clean them all.

    Then there’s cutlery. There’s right and then there’s wrong, across the board. Kind of like toilet paper over/under. My mother gets the toilet paper right (i.e. over) but the cutlery wrong. I get both right, of course. Handles need to be pointing up. Otherwise, when they’re clean, you’re reaching in your grubby hands down to the bottom to grab the handles. It’s insanity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The cutlery will be the end of me! If all the knifes are together and all the spoons together and all the forks together unloading would be SO much easier and SO much faster…but do they do that? They mix everything in without rhyme or reason… (lordy)


      Toilet paper over. Always. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

Share your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.