There is/was a total lunar eclipse happening today, May 26, 2021.
I wonder if the magnetic energy is influencing the cause of all the recent upheaval I’ve succumbed to. Of course, succumbed is a subjective description of current events; some people who shall remain nameless will actually point blame right at me for having caused said upheaval.
I will neither agree nor disagree with their perspective. Safe to say that I accept, here in print and via text to the other parent in our family unit, responsibility for my most recent issues.
Perhaps it’s a situation of wanting empathy from them and not getting it; however, I seem to keep forgetting that I am the adult and that the teens, one in particular, are innocent (to a degree) and suffering worse than I did/do at the moment.
But I will not allow myself to be pushed out or pushed back into the predefined roles. I left on own accord, not because I’m leaving the kids, but because I’m gifting them a desired break from mothering.
I know I’m rambling – sorry. Suffice to say that my mothering in recent weeks and months is being rejected and given the nature of the children’s own state of mind while still in continuous lockdown (another two weeks minimum) it was simply best to grant them the peace of me not being in the tiny house.
I was going to leave for a visit to mom’s anyway, I just moved it up a day. Which coincided with the lunar eclipse.
So, back to the moon.
Is it the moon’s fault that I’m feeling discombobulated, spent and unhinged?
But no matter. I will take this day as the first day of the next chapter. I will not make rash decisions, I will not label this as ‘running away’ or ‘abandoning’ anyone, I will simply redefine my life as a parent to my teens under new terms.
Blogging about it is my way of holding myself accountable.
Incidentally, another blogger talked about family harmony today – seems I’m not the lone procreator/guardian/guide to the next generation who is feeling this way.
Sometimes, the internet it the only place where I feel understood.