Clandestine honesty

Those of you who have read here a while know that I’m a little bit…different.

Let’s go with that. 🙃

Here is something about me though that most of you probably will not dispute: I am nothing if not creative.

As I continue to write my stories, and edit my stories, and proofread my stories, and finish my stories, and begin new stories, I realized something.

I need some personal experience to supplement some of my creativity. And this is the reason why I started a bit of an unusual experiment a couple of weeks ago.

Really unusual.

I decided to load some dating apps.

Now, before you jump all over me or hurl all sorts of accusations at me, I told the husband. You may join him with the eye-rolling activity. Because that’s all I got out of him. 🙄


Point is, I started with two apps, a popular one (not tinder) and a not-so popular one, and I have come across all sorts of interesting information that will help me with my romantic liaison writing.

Side note 1: I loaded the free options. They are extremely limiting and don’t even allow connections unless you upgrade (and pay)…(I am not paying anything.)

But more on that in a bit.

Anyway, this experiment was started about two weeks ago and right now, my prevailing reaction is how do I stop the notifications from populating my inbox? omg 😬

Again, no connections have been actualized because I am not paying for the upgrade. I am simply looking around (and feeling kind of heart-broken at the many, many lonely men out there in my general vicinity).

A few points before I continue:

I used a pen-name, not my real name. Not only that, I admitted to my name being a pen-name in the summary. This way, I am not catfishing anyone because it says right there that my name is a pen-name.

Side note 2: Catfishing can have some serious consequences. If you present yourself online you have to be careful of people with sinister intent. I have read a multi-series blog post by a friend of mine who used to date actively using dating apps, and was subjected to some serious catfishing. She is in Australia and he was in another country; they arranged to meet, there was talk of her buying him an airline ticket…it was a bit of a mess. (She didn’t end up doing anything, she became aware that she was being catfished.) To quote Wikipedia: In some cases, catfishing may be used for financial gain, to compromise a victim in some way, as a way to intentionally upset a victim, etc.

So I figured, I am going to tell people that the name they see is a pseudonym.

This actually led me down the path of investigating fake profiles on dating apps. I did a bit of reading and came up with some information. For instance, there is a statistical analysis that 1 in 10 profiles on tinder are fake. Tinder is one of the most used, as well as popular, dating apps in the world, but there are many others. I’m sure the stats are similar on all the apps.

But, I am curious and want to know what’s out there for several reasons. I have no intention of outing anyone, catfishing anyone, or even matching with anyone. I’m just looking for, well, musing lore, so to speak.

Side note 3: I have not, to date, regretted my interest in all things online. Ever since I started blogging and using a variety of social media, I have learned many, many things I would not have known if I had maintained an attitude of internet = bad. I always maintained that knowing how these things work is better than not knowing, especially because I have kids who are teens and we all know they’re online, especially now with covid.

So there.


I have things I have discovered already that produce enough fodder to fill this blog for the next week or so. But here’s my question:

Does this interest you? Should I bother writing out my observations? Or could you not care less about this sort of thing?

See you in the comments.

PS Lockdown has been extended another two weeks here in Toronto. There is literally nothing to do beyond what we’ve done already a hundred times over. So…be nice to me. I am feeling very fragile and I’m trying hard to keep it together here. Writing is my outlet.

29 thoughts on “Clandestine honesty

  1. Interesting. I’ve done a fair amount of online dating since 2007 and never had a paid account but still managed to connect with men. I’ve made a few friends, one ex 🙄, and my current man 💝and I met online. It’s hard to meet people in real life, especially now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear and have read so many horror stories, mostly by the midlife crowd, that it’s a little disconcerting. But what I’m noticing is, as I will mention later, that connections are not free. And this is going to be a stumbling block.

      Stay tuned! And thank you for commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Connections are free on many sites and I’m midlife plus. My experience is clearly not the norm, but it’s definitely possible. Yes, there are catfish accounts, but it’s pretty easy to sift that out once you know.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. to be honest no
    so you know
    i have been alerted distressed and perverted
    by bots and spam
    canned responses
    why would you go there?
    not meaning to judge or be too critical
    this is the modern age
    viral smiles
    lies and polarities
    you asked
    i shared be it that way
    or even better

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It may be a reflection of where I get my news from, but every time I read anything about dating apps, I always come away being incredibly glad that I’m 52 and no longer looking.

    Observe and report. This could be fascinating.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Writing about your observations is great.
    Would help a lot if more people would do that.
    And it’s great you investigate things on your own,
    to know what you are dealing with.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s fascinating. I want to know more! My only time online dating was more than a decade ago, when Lavalife was the cool site and there were no apps yet. I imagine times have changed a bit, although the underlying thread of guys wanting to get laid has probably stayed the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m down for dating app stories.. never used one, so color me curious. I know there’s a lot of fake crap out there but I personally know 3 happy couples who met that way and never would have found each other otherwise.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. There are a lot of lonely hearts out there. What you’re doing is solid research–lots of writers go into odd places to flesh out their understanding of how the world works; this is no differenct. So long as you don’t go breaking hearts (which would be incorrigible of you) you’re fine. I’m surprised that you don’t go the full monty, and register under another name, as a guy (with the same no heart-breaking rules.)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Only 1 in 10 fake profiles? That surprises me. Observations on possible sketchy people and the dating apps they frequent are always welcome. I’m so old, and so not interested in dating but even if I was I’ve watched way too many crime shows where it always turns out bad (usually for the female) when using dating apps. I would never trust that anyone was sincere.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You shouldn’t have to add a disclaimer asking people to treat you nicely because you’re fragile. If they don’t, block their asses!

    That aside, I am very much interested in hearing about your discoveries. My foray into online dating was an absolute disaster…but that was 10+ years ago, and much has changed since then, I’m sure. Sounds like an interesting psychology experiment if nothing else.

    Liked by 1 person

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