He took it out

Those of you who have watched Seinfeld through the ’90s will remember the episode where Elaine told Jerry that her date last night ‘took it out’. Jerry was perplexed and kept asking her what he took out. πŸ˜„

She tried to explain:

“He took…” she said.

“…it….” she continued.

“…out.” πŸ˜ƒ

Anyway, my *episode* on this blog today has to do with a similar topic, only it involves a dog, and not a man or a date. Hah. πŸ™ƒ

Disclaimer: if natural, biological urges in animals offend you, I suggest you stop reading now. πŸ˜‰

So. Tucker is a six and a half month old Beagle and still, technically, quite puppy-ish. About two months ago he began humping things every evening, indicating that he’s turning into an adolescent.

See? I’m still a puppy…

You know what dogs are like when they hump your body parts, pillows, their dog beds and anything else they can reach…right?

None of us here are thrilled that Tucker gets himself all worked up (usually during dinner when we’re treated to a ‘show’ of his antics) but no one gets more upset than my 15yo son. He wants Tucker to stop humping immediately and gets up and deals with him in whichever way he can think of – distraction, send him behind the baby gate, pet his tummy etc.

Whatever. Tucker will get fixed eventually (after the three of us win the argument with the husband that snipping him sooner is in fact better than later…)

Anyway, last week, Tucker was going at it again with one of his dog beds. After a while, I noticed he stopped moving. He simply stood in the middle of the room in a very stiff, strange position, with his head half bowed, and his forehead full of wrinkles.

I’m like, what happened? Did he pull a muscle or something?

That’s when I saw it. The way the dog stood had him angled in such a way that I saw his profile, the side of his body.

And, it appeared he grew a fifth leg. 😳

I looked closer, and determined that said leg was not actually a leg, as it didn’t reach the floor. But it was certainly big enough (gulp) and thick enough (omg) to look like a leg.

It also looked weird, brown and wrinkly… 😢

Tucker’s legs are white, so that fifth protrusion appeared really out of place.

So I said something out loud, to the effect of “what’s the matter, Tucker?”

This jumped the husband into action. He said, “Oh no, he can’t retract it” and ran off to get a paper towel which he wet with cold water.

I just stared at him.

“What are you going to do?” I asked him. “Are you going to touch it?” πŸ˜„

He muttered something about being careful not to get dirt on it. (Dirt?) 😬

And then, ironically, I remembered another Seinfeld episode. The one where George was concerned about…shrinkage.

Remember that one?

A quick glance out the nearby window confirmed it was snowing, so I suggested we lead the dog outside and let the cold air shrink the thing back into his tiny little puppy body. I mean…there’s no need to touch it for god’s sake, right?

I can’t remember what the sequence of events were that night but I do remember Tucker somehow managing to waddle over to the back door with a very confused look on his face. I don’t think he understood at all what was happening… πŸ€”

When he came back in he immediately laid down sideways and went sniffing around his, um, crotch area. He licked and searched and continued to wrinkle his forehead, but his *protrusion* had disappeared.

Omg. πŸ₯΄

For me, the entire scenario was just as traumatic as it was for little poochie…lol. I had no idea his, um, shlong πŸ˜› was that big, and long, considering how physically little Tucker is in size.

Naturally I went to google. Was this a condition or some weird, alien situation or just a normal progression into adulthood or what? πŸ˜‚

I found out it happens regularly, apparently, and has a name:

Paraphimosis

So there you have it. Another odd and bizarre event from my household as described by me for your entertainment purposes.

Good morning covid lockdown Tuesday. See you in the comments. πŸ™‚

52 thoughts on “He took it out

  1. You are a riot!!! I laughed and laughed as this is exactly what has happened to our Gibson and the first time I saw his thing I thought I was seeing a firth leg. He has a toy bunny which we have affectionately named the ‘fuc… bunny’, and Gibson always wants to bring his antics with the bunny into my room. Ugh!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This was hysterical! Thanks for the laugh, I really needed it! Also, tell Tucker that I’m impressed. Also, how the heck did your husband know that uhm, it got stuck and what to do about it? How does it get stuck? Mona

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This will go down in history as your #1 post. Nothing tops this Claudette…nothing. As for Tucker I would readily comment with something like teaching him to keep it in his pants, but that doesn’t really work, does it?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thankfully Zeus, our lab/shepherd mutt was snipped when we adopted him from the shelter.
    Buuuttt… Diesel Cat was a wee 5 weeks old when Older Daughter rescued him from the engine compartment of a coworker’s car. After a ten mile rideπŸ™€ COVID lockdown then laziness kept Diesel from getting snipped. He’s the first cat I’ve EVER seen that gets humpy. Fleece blankets are his choice. And ih, goodness does he get angry when you take his blanket away. 🀣🀣🀣

    Liked by 2 people

    1. He had been ‘exposed’ to this situation once before which is why he googled and knew what to do. I guess. I just thought it was weird with the towel when all he had to do was send the puppy outside. lol πŸ™‚

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