My day started out meh and went progressively worse as the hours ticked by.
Note: as I’m typing this it’s not even lunchtime yet. ๐
I complained to a friend in Germany that my day is shaping up to be a crappy one and she responded that I could choose to look at it that way.
Alternately, I could choose to look at it differently.
She reminded me that I have a choice.
Huh.
For instance, one of the annoyances is that the teen girl often forgets to empty out her lunch bag. What irks me more than her not emptying it out the night prior is that she leaves the containers in the sink for me to look at all day (in the hopes that I’ll wash them.)
Been there, done that. Not anymore.
It’s a simple chore, to empty out her lunch, to wash the thermos and containers, to put them away so that the person who makes her lunch the next day has them readily available.
I don’t actually mind making her a lunch. She’s almost not a child anymore at 13…but she still likes the little surprises I put in her lunch. A special chocolate, a Christmas cookie, fresh berries…
But I refuse to wash up her lunch stuff. You should see how pissed I get when I come home on Sunday from my mom’s place (where I spend the weekend) and see her lunch bag in the hall closet where it’s been since Friday evening!
Argh.
But again, my friend redirected me. She said:
What a wonderful opportunity for her to learn natural consequences!
Right she is.
In fact, I did just that this morning.
I left with my son 20 minutes before my daughter had to leave. (I drive my son because he’s 25 minutes away and because covid bus is not an option.) She walks to school. I left her in charge of her own lunch.
When I returned, I saw that she must have taken her lunch bag because all of her containers from yesterday’s lunch were chucked in the sink. (For me to wash? I think not.)
I placed them in a bowl and left the bowl on her spot at the dining table.
You may choose to see this as a passive aggressive method of parenting. Go ahead. Judge me all you want. But do it silently or on your own blog.
Incidentally, my friend in Germany, who has 6 kids, dumps the kid’s dirty dishes or dirty laundry on said kid’s bed and shuts the door. It didn’t take them long to figure out that mom put her foot down.
So.
That was one of 3 things that happened this morning that had me somewhat derailed. It’s just such an endless slog. We’ve been through this exact issue countless times, and it looks like she’s just beginning another one of her ‘I forgot’ phases.
Sigh.
Now that I’ve emptied my head into my laptop (and WordPress) I can take a breath, and get on with my own life.
You know what I really need to do?
I need to go up in the attic and take down Christmas decorations, lights, and a tree stand.
Not sure if I’m really into it this year. But maybe it’ll add some joy to this place for a little while, the decorations, and especially the lights. These days, it starts to get dark around 4 pm and some soft Christmas lights might improve the ambiance in time for evenings.
Hello Tuesday. You’re on notice.
I feel your pain! I get so annoyed having to repeat the same things to my teens constantly. It’s hard for me to maintain a passive-aggressive consequence structure since their crap gets in the way of others. While I love them deeply, I can’t wait for them to go move out on handle their own messes without me having to witness it.
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We seem to be going through phases…right this minute as I type this things are in an ‘easy’ phase (relatively speaking) but we all know this won’t last. ๐
Good luck with yours.
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Lol, it definitely wonโt. ๐คฆ๐พโโ๏ธ๐
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I am so doing this as my children get older!! Not passive aggressive, absolute bloody gold!
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You’ve also cured me of ever wanting kids again. Or, more specifically, teenagers, I suppose. Keep those positive life affirmations coming!
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Blah.
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Great post. I like the idea of choice. Not only for you but for her too. Either clean it or find an alternative. I hope sheโs doing her own laundry too. 13 is a great age to learn all these tasks. Oh and donโt forget to introduce her to a toilet brush. Keep writing.
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Ha ha!!
Yes laundry had been pawned off some time ago. ๐
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lol…good for you. That’s a gift you’re giving your kid…
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Ah, teenagers…Hope the rest of the day was much better. Hoping to see nice Christmas pics soon.
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Meh.
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Did you ever get your stuff down?
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Of course not. ๐
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Well get your boots on and get going!!
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Before my first coffee? ๐ณ
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Ok.. have coffee
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โโ
It just so happens the trap door in the ceiling is in the bedroom and a man is sleeping in there so…
Maybe I’ll have 2 coffees.
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You have a man in your bed?? ๐ค
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๐ณ
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Lol!! Hey… itโs been almost a week (?) since Iโve โharassedโ you.. youโre overdue. But thereโs hope! You can always tell me to go away and Iโll go! Iโm annoying but pretty obedient.
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You did hassle me didn’t you. No worries. I’m used to annoying. ๐
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Itโs almost like she wants me around…
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Or not… lol!!
Ok Iโm done bothering you now lol..
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I was WRITING…. ๐
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Not fast enough ๐๐
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Or those shoes.. I really donโt care.
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Ha
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Posts like this make me glad I’m not a parent.
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Just a little rant…๐
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a tiny one ๐
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You make me feel normal, not alone, and on some level validated. Thank you, C
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Well you just did the same for me. Thank you. โค
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Your friend sounds very much like my ideal parent!
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We help each other. ๐
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Kids will always push the boundaries wonโt they. So I suppose itโs our job to follow through with natural consequences so they learn the boundary is real and that they can believe we will tell the truth. It isnโt fun and they wonโt always like it but itโs the only way. A pushover parent is of no value to a child. Well done.
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Thank you. Some days are harder than others… ๐๐
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My kid is only 5 and itโs tough so I applaud your calm manner with teenagers that are so much more stubborn! ๐
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Teens are just the second toddler phase. ๐
5-8ish is amazing and wonderful. Enjoy! โค๏ธ
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I can tell you this much. They grow up fast. You wonโt be having this struggle much longer because one day sheโll wake up and decide to do it all on her own. You may even miss those dirty containers piled up in the sink. Maybe sheโs giving you the chance to be in the moment with her as she grows.
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I know… embrace the chaos. It will be gone soon. ๐ฏ๐
Thank you for the reminder. ๐
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So much of how we live our lives us attitude. Focus on whatโs wrong and everything will be. I love to bitch as much as the next person, but I usually do it with humor and realize how blessed I am.
๐
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Thank you for teaching us (me). ๐
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sounds rough
like when son tom
says i hate you
well you hate yourself
son not my issue
best wishes
for your writing
and your life!
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Yes. Exactly.
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son tom tells me about his day. new bed coming. prolly made in china. and on and on. enjoy your kids
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Not passive aggressive at all. You left her her things in her spot. Works for me…
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YES! Modern kids are too sheltered. This is a wonderful step towards personal responsibility for her, and enhanced freedom for you. If you wanted permanent dependence, you’d have raised a pet. (Oops, you’re doing that, too.)
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Like I said, it’s a phase. One I’m sure we’ll revisit a few more times before she moves out. ๐
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Rick is forever reminding me that the path taken is the one of least resistance. You get to design the path.
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