(Un)happiness

Look. I don’t like it but I do use it occasionally, this block editor Gutenberg thing. Only because they’re going to punish us more later, when they remove the other options indefinitely.

I blog in admin when I’m on my laptop, not block editor. This is what admin looks like.

My phone’s android. It still allows the classic editor although I know its days are numbered. So in my phone I practice blocks occasionally. Just because.

It is what it is. I am not exactly unhappy about this change, but it would be a stretch to call me happy.

* * *

The sun this morning during a frustrating walk with the pooch was a bright orange ball. Too bad I was so distracted by the puppy’s puppy behaviour to take proper pictures. Let’s see if they turned out…

September sunrise in Toronto
September sunrise in Toronto’s fall sky

The pictures don’t do it justice. The closest I could describe the sun’s appearance was like an orange. That’s how bright and colourful it was up there, hanging in the cool, crisp, fall sky. The camera won’t pick up the smooth line around the circle for some reason…

But the day before, this is what the beach photos looked like early in the morning:

September morning in Toronto
Lake Ontario sunrise in Toronto
Early morning dog walk on the shores of Lake Ontario

So what does all this have to do with happiness?

Well, my focus, I guess. I’m on this journey of self-discovery. While I do this, stumbling around house-wife-ing and parenting, I try to sort out exactly how I feel.

Am I unhappy?

Not exactly.

Am I happy?

It’s…complicated.

It would be easy to blame the pandemic on my current state of mind. It definitely is partly to blame for all the challenges. Pre-covid, I was starting to develop interests outside of my mom/wife/home owner/cook/chauffeur roles. Now? I’m right back at it, as if my life was in reverse.

The puppy hasn’t made things easier, either. It’s like having a baby all over again…

Pre-lockdown, the kids emerged as more independent and self-sufficient, getting themselves to and from school, using transit, organizing their day without so much hands on, micromanaging supervision. It was wonderful!

I pursued my own activities, developed some new interests, left the house more often…

Now?

Ugh.

It’s just not as easy these days. And summer seemed short, mainly because of the ongoing lockdowns and the very gradual easing up of restrictions. There was no socializing, no festivals, no trips. Nothing. (Just like all of you experienced…)

Today, it takes much more focus to stay on track of my fluctuating, wavering happiness. Mostly, I feel just okay. Not bad, but not ecstatic.

Know what I mean?

I try to take the small joys and fixate on those, rather than allow myself to plunge into various degrees of depression.

So what are some of the small joys?

Well, as much work as the puppy is, there is a lot more outdoor activity. Given the weather is still relatively suitable for drama-free exiting the house (i.e. no jacket or only a light sweater as opposed to several layers) this has been a good thing.

Leaving the back door open to let the dog come and go more easily (and allowing sunshine and fresh air to come into the house) isn’t something we can practice much longer, so that’s been a good thing too. (Never mind the pesky wasps that find their way into the house…ugh.) I love fresh air and sunshine, natural light filtering into the house.

Another happy thing? Soup. I love soups! I cook them and eat them every day when it’s not heat-wave-ish. Nourishing, filling, and healthy. What’s not to love!

And back to school for the minions…oh wait. 🙄

School has not even started yet. Can you believe it? My son’s supposed to start later this week with a hybrid setup (half day, every other day, then remote in the afternoon).

My daughter was supposed to start Thursday (in two days) which is now delayed until next Tuesday (a week from today). Reason given was that the 66,000 students (out of 247,000) who have applied for virtual learning (staying home) has now grown to 72,000. They are looking for more teachers.

I am not sure what to think about all this, and I’m not holding my breath that school will begin next week. I am hopeful that something will start, at some point soon, because my kids have been on pandemic vacation for 6 months and enough already.

Sigh.

But the other side of the coin is that I have a lot more help with the puppy at this crucial time of his early development, so I’ll take it.

So that’s my Tuesday ramble. What’s up in your corner of the world?

26 Replies to “(Un)happiness”

  1. I would agree with some of your other comments we women do put others first. Is this a good thing? Yes but there is a time when we have to call a halt and learning to accept that is very empowering to us as nurturing women but also to our family. Your photos are lovely and very evocative.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. when I was arts editor another blog I was essentially forced to use block editor. Initially bit was intimidating, but I got used to it. As long as they don’t go all crazy like on WordPress.Org I can’t build a site from scratch

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Those beach photos are lovely. I’ve never tried blogging in admin, suppose I’ll have to when they do away with classic. I just don’t get it, if most people don’t want the block editor…. why not leave classic as a permanent option? Keeping customers happy is usually a good idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Are you guys getting any of the wildfire smoke from out west? Kinda looks/sounds like our sun at times thanks to smoke. Nothing but warm weather for us the next ten days, so I think our screen doors will be staying open a little bit longer.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Personally I think the dilemmas of life you discuss are always there for women Claudette, the being locked away has just made everything so much more evident and inescapable. Around your age, when my youngest was mid-point in college I went back to college to get my degree. It took me that long to finally just do what I wanted for myself because I always had an excuse when the kids were still home… you had started on that journey, now you have to find your way back despite Covid, because there will always be another “something” to deal with.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I do all my blogging in admin mode these days. The block editor annoys me. It seems to be trying to solve a problem I don’t have and, in doing so, hidden the few features I do want — have you tried to add a featured image?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Looking at the code is perfectly normal. Either that or I’m weird as well 😉

        I generally type everything in a text editor, add the HTML in a text editor and then copy and paste the completed post into WordPress. The block editor gets in the way of that without offering any advantage that I can see.

        I’m sure there’s someone, somewhere who thinks it’s great, but it really isn’t for me.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Haircut today. Made beignets for breakfast. On the exercise bike now. How’s that. On an odd note, my computer died last week. My new one came yesterday and I wrote my first post in it this morning. It was weird because the block editor didn’t bother me as much on the new computer.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I cheated. Someone sent me a mix. I just added water, rolled the dough and fried. I am going to try the mix in the air fryer to see if that works. I haven’t had an issue because I write a very simple blog. I just type. If I was fancier it might be an issue

        Liked by 2 people

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