mental health, questions and answers, relationships

On solitude, and raising your standards

by Writer of Words, etc

This quote… 💗

Should we talk about our standards, and raising them?

Yes. We should. Let’s start with questions:

1) How does this quote’s interpretation differ for the single people (post-divorce, widowed) to those who are partnered and/or still in the parenting trenches with kids?

2) What does she mean by solitude exactly? Is this desired, wanted, taken solitude (being alone)? Or is it solitude that happens due to conditions beyond your control (divorce, death, something else)?

3) Is loneliness a form of disguised solitude? Or is solitude a form of loneliness?

As you can see I have a lot of questions, and not many answers.

Let’s chat. See you in the comments.

 

48 thoughts on “On solitude, and raising your standards”

      1. I might have mistook your intent by my reply as I thought you were looking for a way to add a few friends and get out of the house, so I suggested an outside job. Work friends are always good.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am looking but it’s tough to get an outside job wearing a mask when I have a hearing problem. I am looking for something that is work from home (I have the odd contract I do occasionally)…but the appeal to be out of the house is getting bigger with every passing week. I would love to be in an environment that is a bubble that allows a few people to be maskless (but socially distanced) to get our job done. Not sure if this is feasible or possible though. Would expand my friends circle too. 🙂

        But yes, I am constantly on the lookout for a new job, usually part time or contractual.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I would like to return part time to a brick and mortar school but the process is very slow and many are not sure what is happening. It is a strange time, for sure. Perhaps a book club would expand your friendship circle.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t think solitude and loneliness are related at all. It’s possible to be alone without being lonely and it’s possible to feel lonely when surrounded by people.

    For me, solitude is when you choose to be alone in order to focus on whatever you want to be doing. And it’s a lot easier to achieve when single than when you have a pair of ten-year-olds running around.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I remember well during my youthful social time that there were always people who appeared their loneliest when surrounded by people, noise, activity. I also saw many moms of multiple small children who went to the playground to let the kids burn energy but refuse to mingle. They wanted solitude more than anything, not more talking, even if it was with other moms.

      I get it. I just wonder sometimes if too much solitude can give birth to loneliness?

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I completely get the not wanting to mingle. There have been times, when the kids were younger, that I have taken them to a play area and brought a book with me. If I know the kids are safe, have plenty to do and don’t need my constant attention then the option to sit back for a couple of hours is something I would relish.

        If solitude is something chosen, then I wouldn’t have thought that it would lead to loneliness. This assumes, of course, that there are people still around when you do want to make a social connection — but I’m not convinced that this relates to solitude.

        I hope that makes sense. I’m struggling a bit to get my thoughts lined up.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. There’s nothing lonelier than being with someone you don’t want to spend time with. Loneliness and solitude aren’t even related. I feel like solitude is enjoying your own company and the quiet that comes when you take time alone and only surround yourself with positive energy wherever you find it.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Yes to this. Spending time with people you don’t really want to be with is so hard…and makes you question why you do it. It’s during those times you wish for solitude (but not loneliness, as you remarked, they are different categories).

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. I like what Rivergirl’s take on this is. We are the same age range. At different times in life you require different needs. Husband and I are happy with this place. You have to find how to make yourself happy and revise the script with creativity, writing, work, friends, family as you get older.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. I seem to recall that you speak 2 or 3 languages. My advice would be and I don’t know the job situation in Canada but get out of the house and find something…translating, substitute teaching, admin work, temp and meet a few new people. Of course, I don’t know the economy your way but it seems as if your skills would be needed.

        Like

  12. 1. From a happily married woman’s perspective, I choose to take it this way – at my ripe old age of 56, I’ve learned I don’t have time for drama and nonsense. In the last 10 years I’ve jettisoned all the people in my life who cause them. Life is so much more pleasant now.
    2. I am often alone, but never lonely. It centers on being content with yourself.
    3. I find solitude and loneliness to be two completely different things. In solitude there is peace and understanding.

    Liked by 5 people

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    2. Hum… I am 55 and in the last few years have made my circle smaller. I was tired of being second place, or even third. I was tired of people saying they would be someplace and be late all the time. Tired of people putting other people before me. At first I thought this selfish, everyone has their own things going on and ship happens. In the end I dont have to let their issues affect mine, I’m a lot happier and the issues I choose to work on are my own.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  13. I see the quote from the perspective that when you demand certain standards, you narrow down the pool of options you have. Specifically, when you demand to be treated well, with respect and decency, you will find that some people won’t agree and are no longer someone you interact with. That you shouldn’t be afraid of losing those connections if it means you are in a better place for it. In this sense, the solitude you get is from the narrowing down of your pool of connections.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

      1. I have way too much personal experience with this whole concept. It is painful, but I’ve felt that it was incredibly rewarding and worth it. Not everyone would feel that way, though.

        Liked by 1 person

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