This quote… π
Should we talk about our standards, and raising them?
Yes. We should. Let’s start with questions:
1) How does this quote’s interpretation differ for the single people (post-divorce, widowed) to those who are partnered and/or still in the parenting trenches with kids?
2) What does she mean by solitude exactly? Is this desired, wanted, taken solitude (being alone)? Or is it solitude that happens due to conditions beyond your control (divorce, death, something else)?
3) Is loneliness a form of disguised solitude? Or is solitude a form of loneliness?
As you can see I have a lot of questions, and not many answers.
Let’s chat. See you in the comments.
I believe loneliness is a form of disguised solitude; solitude, I’d like to think, is the preference of being alons.
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Solitude is the preference to being alone. Yes, I do have that need sometimes. π
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Same!
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I came across this quote while I was posing the same question to myself:
βLoneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.β
May Sarton
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Oooh. I like it!! Thank you for sharing. That is a wonderful quote.
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I interpret this to mean donβt be afraid to stop filling your life with busyness and all the wrong people just to avoid being alone. Solitude is definitely not loneliness.
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Yes. Agreed. I’m challenged in keeping the lines less blurred recently but cognitively I get it.
Baby steps. π
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One of my favorite memoirs is “Journal of a Solitude” by May Sarton.
Solitude is bliss. Nothing lonely about it for me.
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Must look into it. Thank you for mentioning it. π
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Whether solitude breeds loneliness (or vice-versa) depends on whether you’re an introvert of an extrovert.
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Better to have just one friend that will cry at your funeral, than 20 relatives that will cry at your will reading. It is really tough to work your way into “friend” category in my world.
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Well that certainly puts a new spin on the whole thing doesn’t it. Yes, indeed. π
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There is a sadness with loneliness while solitude is a liberation.
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Love that. Liberation. Yes!
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I might have mistook your intent by my reply as I thought you were looking for a way to add a few friends and get out of the house, so I suggested an outside job. Work friends are always good.
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I am looking but it’s tough to get an outside job wearing a mask when I have a hearing problem. I am looking for something that is work from home (I have the odd contract I do occasionally)…but the appeal to be out of the house is getting bigger with every passing week. I would love to be in an environment that is a bubble that allows a few people to be maskless (but socially distanced) to get our job done. Not sure if this is feasible or possible though. Would expand my friends circle too. π
But yes, I am constantly on the lookout for a new job, usually part time or contractual.
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I understand. I would like to find some part time writing jobs or editing but some of it seems like there are some scams about, so I stick with my part time contract.
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I would like to return part time to a brick and mortar school but the process is very slow and many are not sure what is happening. It is a strange time, for sure. Perhaps a book club would expand your friendship circle.
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I don’t think solitude and loneliness are related at all. It’s possible to be alone without being lonely and it’s possible to feel lonely when surrounded by people.
For me, solitude is when you choose to be alone in order to focus on whatever you want to be doing. And it’s a lot easier to achieve when single than when you have a pair of ten-year-olds running around.
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I remember well during my youthful social time that there were always people who appeared their loneliest when surrounded by people, noise, activity. I also saw many moms of multiple small children who went to the playground to let the kids burn energy but refuse to mingle. They wanted solitude more than anything, not more talking, even if it was with other moms.
I get it. I just wonder sometimes if too much solitude can give birth to loneliness?
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I completely get the not wanting to mingle. There have been times, when the kids were younger, that I have taken them to a play area and brought a book with me. If I know the kids are safe, have plenty to do and don’t need my constant attention then the option to sit back for a couple of hours is something I would relish.
If solitude is something chosen, then I wouldn’t have thought that it would lead to loneliness. This assumes, of course, that there are people still around when you do want to make a social connection — but I’m not convinced that this relates to solitude.
I hope that makes sense. I’m struggling a bit to get my thoughts lined up.
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Makes sense. Generally people feel that if solitude is desired, and acquired, it is a treasure (and a luxury).
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Yes. That’s it exactly π
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Thereβs nothing lonelier than being with someone you donβt want to spend time with. Loneliness and solitude arenβt even related. I feel like solitude is enjoying your own company and the quiet that comes when you take time alone and only surround yourself with positive energy wherever you find it.
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Yes to this. Spending time with people you don’t really want to be with is so hard…and makes you question why you do it. It’s during those times you wish for solitude (but not loneliness, as you remarked, they are different categories).
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does raising your standards mean ya hafta take a shower more often??? use soap???
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You want lady companionship, shower often. With soap. π
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OK, I’ll scrub your back if you scrub mine. π
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I like what Rivergirl’s take on this is. We are the same age range. At different times in life you require different needs. Husband and I are happy with this place. You have to find how to make yourself happy and revise the script with creativity, writing, work, friends, family as you get older.
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I have much yo learn from you ladies.
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I seem to recall that you speak 2 or 3 languages. My advice would be and I don’t know the job situation in Canada but get out of the house and find something…translating, substitute teaching, admin work, temp and meet a few new people. Of course, I don’t know the economy your way but it seems as if your skills would be needed.
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1. From a happily married woman’s perspective, I choose to take it this way – at my ripe old age of 56, I’ve learned I don’t have time for drama and nonsense. In the last 10 years I’ve jettisoned all the people in my life who cause them. Life is so much more pleasant now.
2. I am often alone, but never lonely. It centers on being content with yourself.
3. I find solitude and loneliness to be two completely different things. In solitude there is peace and understanding.
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I aim to achieve #3. Especially internal peace.
I like solitude. I yearn for it at times. Lately though solitude has merged with loneliness. I am finding myself more restless than usual…
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Humβ¦ I am 55 and in the last few years have made my circle smaller. I was tired of being second place, or even third. I was tired of people saying they would be someplace and be late all the time. Tired of people putting other people before me. At first I thought this selfish, everyone has their own things going on and ship happens. In the end I dont have to let their issues affect mine, Iβm a lot happier and the issues I choose to work on are my own.
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I love this. I am trying to remember what it feels like to be chosen, to be chosen first… To be a priority. Sigh.
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Exactly. I trimmed s lot of people from my life and feel 20 lbs lighter.
If only I looked it.
π
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π
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I see the quote from the perspective that when you demand certain standards, you narrow down the pool of options you have. Specifically, when you demand to be treated well, with respect and decency, you will find that some people won’t agree and are no longer someone you interact with. That you shouldn’t be afraid of losing those connections if it means you are in a better place for it. In this sense, the solitude you get is from the narrowing down of your pool of connections.
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Love that. “Narrow down the pool”. I like how you describe the way solitude emerges after you purge…
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I have way too much personal experience with this whole concept. It is painful, but I’ve felt that it was incredibly rewarding and worth it. Not everyone would feel that way, though.
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I understand. I’m happy you are able to reflect and share your perspective. π
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Perhaps she’s referring to solitude in a relative sense? As in you’ll have fewer people around you if you get rid of the ones that are a negative influence in your life.,
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That could be one aspect. Yes. I like it.
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Solitude and loneliness are separate. You can be married, in a group and still be lonely. Solitude is peace of mind…itβs owning your thoughts and emotions
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That’s a great (and true) explanation.
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I agree. LAβs definitions make sense to me. π
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π
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Yes!
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