This is the continuation of Derailment – the abyss (part i).
As I’m climbing out of my pit, I ponder about my purpose in this life.
It’s a question I keep coming back to. (Never mind that some friends regularly beat me over the head with it.)
Maybe my pre-pandemic experiences in the past couple of years were like an awakening. An inherent reorganizing of personal priorities which shifted the focus away from the role-playing, middle-aged wife and mom, toward something…different.
But what was different?
While propelling forward, and away, from house and hearth when the kids turned into teenagers, I discovered I was more than just a sum of all the usual parts (babysitter + maid + cook + chauffeur + homework supervisor + bla bla bla = mom).
The new(er) individual that emerged realized something: she isn’t as needed as she thought she was, and, she doesn’t give a fuck nearly as often as she used to about most things.
I suddenly felt more…authentic. Can I say this?
I was molting, shedding a skin that no longer fit.
I have to admit though, I didn’t travel the chosen path I encountered at the fork in the road for very long. The pandemic interrupted me. But, I did meet several people, mostly virtually, who helped me find [part of] myself along the way. Some of them are geographically far away, others relatively close, but all of them played an integral part in sculpting me into the person I am still striving to become.
I was well on my way of discovering a new me, with flourishing confidence and courage, ready to take the bull by its horns (so to speak) when this pandemic forced my progress to a screeching halt.
Now I’m sitting on my sofa with a soothing camomile tea, I ponder what’s next. And again, I’m drawn back to the question:
What is my purpose?
to be continued…