Posted on by Writer of Words, etc

Hungry pandemic teenagers

Disclaimer: this is an attempt at some silly humour. If you’re [still] a snowflake and can’t take my attempt of describing a slice of life in a locked-down, metropolitan 🇨🇦 family, best piss off before leaving a passive aggressive comment. Sorry not sorry.

* * *

The apocalyptic stash of Pringles is now officially gone.

I bought three cans and a few bags of chips before this all happened, and the boys have been out twice for supplies since we sequestered ourselves in our home in IDK, 14, 15 days now.

The chips are gone. All of them. 😶

I find myself facing a dilemma. It appears I no longer have a choice here.

I’m going to lock my teenager in the shed. 😛

Except, that idea, enticing as it may be, is not foolproof either. There are a fridge and a freezer in the shed.

(It’s a nice shed with walls and a solid roof and electricity. We renovated it a few years ago. When this house was built in 1949, the shed used to function as a garage. The cars were much smaller back then…)

Once I throw my kid into the shed among the bikes, baseball gear, tools and gardening equipment, he’ll no doubt begin his search for the next thing to eat.

I doubt he’ll choose the frozen food without at least thawing it out first (maybe not the moose steaks, just the frozen pizzas). I’m not too worried. He doesn’t have the patience to wait for frozen food to thaw and it’s not warm enough up here yet to let the sun do it. (There is no sun today anyway. Only rain and gloom.)

He’ll definitely not eat the raw eggs from the fridge, either (will he?). 😳

But.

He won’t stop searching. When it comes to food, this kid, like many/most teen boys, are a creative, ingenious bunch.

They will find a way. 😉

Must be a neurological thing or something…

So I picture him standing there analyzing his choices. The homemade broths I store in the freezer may temporarily satisfy the salt craving, but unless he chews the ice cubes he won’t get much crunch. (I freeze my broth in ice cube trays and store them in plastic zip bags.)

He may nibble some frozen pizza before deciding that it may not be quite up to par of his adolescent taste buds.

He might consider cracking some raw eggs into an empty container (which he’ll find in all the accumulated clutter in there) and mix them with the last carton of milk from the fridge but I don’t think he’ll consider that as an option since in his desperation to satisfy the salt craving, he won’t want to put that much work into his future nosh without the promise of salty crunch.

There is one final possibility, though.

He may, quite possibly, get distressed bored hungry enough to taste his first, and then drink all of his dad’s, beer.

😂🍺🍻😭

I see you, fellow teen-raising pandemic-enduring peeps. I feel you. 💗

Hang in there. 😷

34 Replies to “Hungry pandemic teenagers”

  1. Of all the challenges my teens face from the pandemic, snack scarcity is the one that will unhinge them. Had I known this when I was stocking up on toilet paper, I might still feel safe within my own home.🤣

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. This made me laugh and cry at the same time. Unhinge is what is happening to this boy of mine now, and I’m just about to hit publish on that post (and in about an hour have second thoughts and delete the whole thing again).

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  6. I’m so glad to hear your shed has electricity. Next time I visit Canada, I’ll just hole up in there. Cheaper than an AirBnB! Or…maybe you’ll find me so winsome you’ll actually let me stay in your house. Don’t worry: I’m not a fan of Pringles.

    Liked by 2 people

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  7. Here’s another idea: teach teenage son how to cook. From planning stage, to shopping, to preparing food … clean up, etc. Discuss budget, time-lines. Talk to him like he’s a young adult. I’d suggest one night a week. Dinner’s on this young man. Supervise at a distance. He’ll get it. Repeat daily, if necessary. Another scenario, could be he breaks out of the converted shed, does something not-so-nice … and, well, his mother wakes up in the freezer. Saw it once in a movie. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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      2. Your sons are normal then.

        Note: my daughter is younger and not only equipped/capable to bake, she can cook to feed a family. She’s over a foot shorter than her brother and almost three years younger. She is also well aware that her brother will inherit all the physical stuff, whereas she will inherit him. 😅

        The boy’s trouble isn’t inability, it’s laziness. His words, but I am not disputing. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      5. By fixed, you don’t mean neutered? I’m almost sure that’s what you meant. We don’t provide that kind of fixing. Ascension into adult responsibility – literate, functional, productive – is what I do. I train millennials for a career. Teach them everything their parents failed to do. Then I go and fix the parents. By fixing, I mean really fixing. It’s a fun side hustle.

        Liked by 1 person

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