Too many days in lock-down

Today, I’m spiraling.

I have trouble focusing on the positive. We’re on lock-down day 12. Or 13. I don’t know…

The province shut down last night at midnight. The city declared a state of emergency.

Facebook stupidity left me distraught so I quit. Wasn’t useful anyway. I exited and I doubt I’ll be back anytime soon. It’s not like I can advertise my dog-walking business now…

Most of my family and some of my friends never check in with me unless I check in with them first. Today, this bothers me. (I’ll get over it. I have lots of practice.)

So I quit them too. Deleted their contacts. They know where to find me if they want to. (They won’t bother. I know this and after today, it won’t bother me anymore.)

My dominant emotions currently are anger, sadness and frustration. Day 12, or 13 of this fucking pandemic.

I miss my dog walking business.

I miss my freedom.

I miss a lot of things. Cheese on demand, for instance.

It’s not really about fear. I am comfortable in my own know-how to survive with little and figure it out. I’m a pragmatist, innovative and creative.

I’ll be fine.

Unless I kill everyone around me for insisting on irritating me. Then I’ll be in jail with the corona keeping me company.

It’s not them, you understand, I’m just hormonally challenged or something. Fed up.

Cheese would help. I have some cheddar but I want some fancy, artisanal cheese. Something unusual, to nosh on with a nice, chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

I am spoiled. Go ahead and point it out. I DARE YOU.

The cheese I do have in my fridge I want to save for casseroles I make to feed the family. For some pandemic flavour.


Note: I quit making dinner tonight. They’re on their own.

Then, when it was going on quarter to seven, and I didn’t smell anything through the closed and locked bedroom door, I went to investigate.

They had dumped the frozen pizzas on the counter next to the stove and were plugged in. Waiting for their housekeeper, no doubt, to put the pizzas in the oven.

Well let’s just say I exercised my vocal cords.

After my vocal gymnastics, I retreated to my bedroom and commenced folding all the laundry someone dumped on my bed.

The stash of clothing I had for each kid were left a the steps. Certain people navigated the steps multiple times in the ten minutes I folded the laundry without once picking up a stash of clean clothing and taking it to the designated rooms.


(There. I said it. Go ahead and cough on me.)

Instead of making dinner I’m sitting on my bed drinking boxed red wine feeling sorry for myself.

I quit.

Parenting, to begin with.

And wife-ing. (It’s not him, it’s me.)

And dinner. (Also, they ate all the snacks and didn’t leave me any.)

Since I’m already complaining, the guinea pigs are fat and poop too much. I’m the only one who cares and cleans them up.

Every single day.

So. Before I descend further into the giant abyss of self-pity, allow me to turn this around before the wine makes me into a raging, yelling lunatic. I mean, a rage-ier, louder lunatic. Sorry not sorry.

Here’s the good stuff:

1. The fridge is not breaking down. Whatever the dude did to fix it a few months ago, it’s working. (Hope I didn’t jinx it by typing it out.)

2. My kids are not babies, toddlers or preschoolers. If they were I’d be dead and buried by now, after almost two weeks of quarantine. Because lack of proper socializing in parks and playground would have been sooooo hard. (But I would have managed. I’m just saying, I’m happy I don’t have to deal with that.)

3. If I ran off today they would survive just fine. I hang on to this harder than I can admit to.

4. School is not that important. Frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck if they do school work or not. Whatever is sent to me via the board or the province I pass on to them. If they choose to do it, great. If not, I’m done battling and enforcing. Fail for all I care. (They won’t fail. That’s the positive.) They can read and learn practical things and be just fine. Even without practicing whatever the board mandates these days.

5. I have wine. In a box, which may be empty by tonight, but still.

6. I have chocolate. Both my own stash, and the contraband they still haven’t found.

7. I have this blog and you who put up with me. ๐Ÿ’—

8. My mom learned how to join WhatsApp. And Skype loaded in a different browser than her normal one for her, so we’re all set. This is a great thing because I can’t see my parents in person and having access to them via electronics is more helpful in this tricky, stupid pandemic time.

9. I have friends in places like London, Frankfurt, South Dakota, Tampa, Houston, Manhatten and North Toronto who respond to me when I reach out to them. Usually. I reach out to them a lot. I apologize for pestering you (but I’m not sorry). Just know this:

I โค U

9. There is still wine in the box. There may not be for long but there is one more box after that.

10. They declared the wine store to be an essential service after they shut down the province last night which means I may very well be heading out of the house tomorrow to load up on more wine. Not boxed, this time though. (Although it’s not bad…)

Thank you for reading. Sorry (not sorry) for dumping on you. You can block me if you want.


61 thoughts on “Too many days in lock-down

  1. I love this post! I think we’re all going insane, but 98% of people are posting inspirational messages instead of the real truth, which is what you shared here. Thanks for this, I just hope the guinea pigs don’t read it lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope you’re feeling better now. It must be terrible.
    We are in voluntary self-isolation. My life has changed very little except all my client meetings are by video or phone, and the shops are half empty of produce. We are allowed to walk our dogs, providing we stay 2 metres from anyone. I still do this twice daily and stay at home, as normal. My son still works, and my other son is still at school – for now. We have school holidays in a fortnight. I found your attitude to school work refreshing.
    I had such a bad anxiety day (I don’t suffer from anxiety or depression) on Monday after reading an excellent article on Medium, that I have since decided I am avoiding 99% of all media.
    I will just sit this thing out and try not to give in to fear.
    You guys have spring coming and I hope that makes a difference. We are in autumn, which is lovely – but you know what season is coming? Grateful I don’t have a workplace to commute to or office germs to deal with ๐Ÿ™‚
    In case you want to read this very good but long article by a bunch of multidisciplinary thinkers, here’s the link


  3. Hereโ€™s a fun and easy way to make a quick buck to supplement revenue lost pooch-walking: invoice your three roommates for domestic services provided, as Mother, Wife, UberChick, etc. Deduct it from the kids Inheritance, University Fund, Piggy Banks, Stock Portfolio, etc. Also, take the the triplets for a walk, then leave them stranded. Renege your Love. Tell them. Donโ€™t hold back anything. Whisper. No yelling. We hear whispers. These are just some helpful hints to restoring your soul and avoiding jail time. I have more. As my mother would say … โ€œair their asses out.โ€ She may have included pretty expletives before asses and after out. It seemed to work because I remember.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You know, this post sounds a lot like something that would go easily on my Piss and Moan blog…

    Our “stay at home” order here in WA hasn’t been in place that long, but I have only left the house three times in the last two weeks so I am getting tired of looking at the same walls.

    The last two days have, for me, again demonstrated how selfish some of the family members can be. I guess we can all commiserate in that.

    Keep trucking and keep being entertaining! We appreciate the glimpse of chaos into someone else’s life so we don’t have to focus on our own. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. This wasn’t the first time I whined about self-absorbed issues, nor will it be the last. That’s why I said, if people want to block me, I won’t be offended. ๐Ÿ™‚

      You guys stay well too! It’s hard on everyone.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Our hospitals rationing masks for staff caring for covid to 2 per day. As of today. We will run out in 3 days.

      They will run out of ventilators later this week.

      If my kid gets sick the doctor will have to choose whether my kid or someone else gets the ventilator. Do you understand the significance of this?

      Don’t take this personally but if Florida doesn’t get their shit together the suffering will get much, much worse. Please stay home. Just do it. You have a husband who has health issues.

      And read about NYC.

      You may block me if you want. I still wish you well.


      1. My husband is at the VA today for his shot. I understand what you are saying but his immune system is healthy for the shot as they have informed him. Yes, I understand what you are saying and I do have the advantage cause I work also online but we may have to stay home. We shall see.

        I am also at risk with my blood type according to the articles about the coronovirus but I did have a very bad bout of sickness in November and recovered. I am not going to block you. That would be childish. I wish you well, also with your situation at home and with the family.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I would argue that Canada has too large of a Chicken Little Disciple Base. In 3 weeks Florida has 302 cases, 12 deaths. nearly all those deaths are in the Miami area. This is a State with 13.5 million people, and registered 12 deaths. In three weeks, Influenza killed at a rate 123% greater. The cold (that is right, the cold) had a mortality rate that was 56% greater. More people will die from bleed outs after accidentally cutting themselves with a paring knife. More kids died today before 9AM from traffic accidents than this thing has killed in 3 weeks.
        Besides, AIDS had a 100% mortality rate when it first came out. It spread faster, and it’s symptoms were rapid. I do not remember shutting down whole governments for AIDS?

        Liked by 2 people

      3. It’s about the health care system. We run out of ventilators by end of week here in Toronto. They’re down to 2 masks per person per 12+ hour shifts.

        So who gets the ventilator? My kid? My 13 year old niece with cancer? Her dad? His mother?


        Spare me the stats.


      4. Well, that is why you are staying at home with them eating chocolate and drinking wine. Such is the life! If you need to block me, go ahead. I try to keep my sense of humor. You are staying out of harm’s way.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Stats were only meant meant to show that we need to be careful all the time. As to answer your question, our government has decided that you only get ventilators if you show symptoms., but the symptoms are the same as a dozen other problems, so not sure how that is going to work out. I also read that masks only stop the person who in infected from spreading, it does nothing to keep you from catching it. The wife and I are taking the same precautions we have always taken,

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yes sir that’s true. That’s why kids today are being taught sneezing and coughing into their elbows. I did not do this as a child. I also remember my father using a cloth tissue, over and over again. This too isn’t something you see often anymore.

        This virus has a 14 day incubation period. It’s nuts…and adds undo pressure to the medical community. Because instead of being able to reach for equipment for the cancer patient from a year ago, or the broken bones from two weeks ago, or the spinal injury from 4 months ago, or the chronic Parkinson patient recently rendered immobile and hospitalized, they have to focus on keeping the rest of the hospital community healthy by keeping corona out. And they’re failing because people keep getting infected and then spreading it exponentially.

        And those some who do get sick, that small statistic you keep quoting, will end up in critical care infecting not just other patients, but also the staff looking after them. Not to mention a long line of potentially infected others who currently still show no symptoms. Maybe only 1 of those 20 will end up in critical care, as you say, but critical care is full now. And they’re running out of staff and equipment.

        Anyway. We can drop this conversation now. We’ve both made our points.

        Thank you for reading and commenting. I really do appreciate alternate views. But I think we’re done.

        Stay well.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I actually have a virtual interview and the work place I work with is so glad to see me as people are not coming in. We have a slim staff. The virtual interview is for next year. Whew….driving is wonderful, though! I am busy, busy.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. When I tell you my brother and his daughters are also struggling with homeschooling you’ll understand, apparently the adjustment is fraught with distractions oh and the number of people I’ve known who’ve quit FB reinforces the reasons why I’ve never bothered starting. X ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Rant away, we’ll never block you ๐Ÿ™‚

    I was massively relieved when the drink shop was categorised as a food store and therefore allowed to stay open. So much so that I told the boys that they would be eating peanuts — about the only foodstuff that the drink shop sells — for the rest of the lockdown.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I can imagine a lot of people feeling the same as you at the moment so don’t worry about ‘dumping it’. I would probably feel the same but my work is keeping me so busy during this period & I still get to walk the dog… It will get better… ๐Ÿ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This made me smile. โ˜บ๏ธ Too many days of anything always brings up a good old purge session. Especially when the only tissues you can find in the supermarket are covered in Peppa Pig and the entire Pig family. Weโ€™ve so totally got this, though. x ๐Ÿ’ž

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I get it. Just get it out. We are all going to have breakdowns because we donโ€™t know whatโ€™s happening tomorrow, or even an hour from now. Vent all you want!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I had a meltdown today and am totally with you on the second thing on your list. Thank goodness my kid is old enough to fend for himself and leave me the hell alone until I am coherent again.
      And that they didn’t close LCBO.

      Liked by 2 people

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