On some days, the slightest thing can cause me to feel major anxiety.
And yet, the same exact thing another day may not even register on my brain.
I don’t get it.
Last night I got so anxious that I announced to the family I was going to bed to read. It was 7:45 pm.
I didn’t even eat dinner. I just sat on the couch with a glass of spritzer and while I sipped and listened to them chat, I could feel it. The anxiety was taking hold.
Later, while the kids argued over kitchen cleanup duty (they always argue but they always (mostly) do it) there was a thing about a hockey tournament my daughter is attending today. (The tournament is a fundraiser and they were looking for additional girls to play as enrollment was low this year).
She didn’t appear on the team list on the website.
Her friend did.
I asked questions and since I’m not dealing with it, he said he’d call and do x and y after dinner and while he was running around getting equipment ready for her I felt it again. Stronger, this time.
Anxiety clouding my brain.
“What time does she start,” I wanted to know.
He said depends on which team she’s on. If she is on her friend’s team, which we requested, then they play at 8 am.
Which means leaving really early (especially because we have a major dump of snow requiring shoveling the car out of the driveway).
I said: “Why isn’t she listed yet?”
He said he doesn’t know but she is registered.
“How do you know?”
I just am this way. I want all my ducks in a row, all details ironed out…I can’t just not know and hope things fall into place at some point. That’s not me.
Anyway…I’ll spare you. I get anxious when this stuff happens at the last minute.
He saw my anxiety and said he’ll deal with it so I left him to it. I mean, he’s been coaching hockey for 10 years with the other kid so he’s better equipped to deal with whatever mistakes may happen than I am anyway…
I had to put it out of my head.
A lot of prep has to happen when a kid, who plays ringette, goes to play hockey. Ringette is a very similar sport as hockey, but it requires a different mask on the helmet, and she has to wear hockey pants instead of the standard overall thingy she wears for ringette. She also needs a hockey stick. A ringette stick doesn’t have a blade at the bottom like a hockey stick does…
Here’s what a ringette stick (and ring) looks like:
This is my kid a couple of years ago. See the difference?
To read more about this girl’s ice sport, click here.
Anyway. Her friend’s dad had some equipment she could borrow, including a stick, so when my partner came home with it, at least that part was dealt with. But the lack of her name appearing on a team list really had me upside down.
I left him to it. He’s the one who is available to take her and stay with her all day today, whereas I am not (I have a pre-scheduled appointment in the middle of the day).
But I tell you, the not knowing is hard. Not always, sometimes I am perfectly equipped to deal with stuff that comes up unexpectedly, but last night was not that time.
This morning, same sort of deal. He got her up and I made them both breakfast and a packed snack bag to take along. I didn’t even ask if she’s on the list, I figured, if he’s getting up at 6 it means she plays at 8 so why get into a long explanation of what he went through to find out when I haven’t even had coffee yet?
THIS is how I roll, people. Aren’t I a hoot?
So they left at 7:15. I doubt most people will arrive on time, the snow is really high…the rink is about a 20 minute drive away which will be about double that time in the snow…
After they left, I started to deal with the sleeping teenager. I made him breakfast and realized once again his lunch bag was nowhere to be found. Instead of letting him get me anxious, I just left a pile of pack-able food on the counter and escaped into the shower.
When I got out he was washing his lunch stuff.
He left about 10 minutes later than usual, only because he came back in when he realized that wearing running shoes in a foot of snow on a not yet plowed sidewalk is maybe not the best idea…
Boys. Teen boys. I don’t know…don’t ask me… 🙂
So now I’m not anxious anymore. I’m sitting here typing, thinking about making one more coffee, and then heading out to dig my car out of the snow so I can get to the appointment. The hospital is located next to a mall where I plan on having a sushi lunch after which will be my treat to me for having survived anxiety once again.
PS – I just got the first of what will be several texts throughout the day. She is playing her first game, and is playing wing (forward). 🙂