It’s interesting/annoying/exasperating just how much work it takes to be ‘in the background’ of family and parenting life.
Do you know what I mean by that?
It means doing all the things that make life happen smoothly and efficiently by finagling, coordinating, organizing, directing, supervising. That sort of thing. But to do it quietly, unobtrusively, or invisibly without drama or noise.
It takes mental focus and sanity, neither of which anyone seems to have much of these days. (Ugh)
To do all that managing-the-family from behind the scenes takes an emotional commitment that gets overlooked all the time by those who really shouldn’t be overlooking things.
I have been on both sides of the fence.
These days I’m the one who is invisible, sometimes by choice, but sometimes by default. It’s the latter that bothers me today.
Stomping your foot and crying that no one listens to you, hears you, notices you, or appreciates you doesn’t make them listen, hear, notice or appreciate you so don’t bother. (Tried it. Failed.)
The tricky part is to do it anyway, the managing and organizing and all that. Or so I tell myself (and anyone who wants to listen to me. Which is no one. Boo.)
You have to look inward. You have to do it because you want to do it. You have to do it for you.
If by default they end up with something they desired, well that’s a perk for them.
They’re lucky to have you. Even if they don’t notice you, or hear you, or appreciate you.
Anyway, I did all of the above. Stomping and crying and carrying on only to get a sideways glance and a snide comment about how my solution to the most recent teen-related situation will only alienate them.
I disagreed and outlined my reasons. We don’t see eye to eye, although remarks were made that there was at least a partial agreement on part of the argument.
But the solution they all wanted to happen impacted only one of us: me.
See what I’m saying here?
I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish today, but worked with an incomplete calendar with their stuff missing (and yet other people required something of me at specific times throughout the day). I also had a snowed-under, frozen car which required a half hour to defrost and dig out, eating more into my time.
But they assumed I was at their beck and call which only served to infuriate me more.
“But you’re home all day“…remember that post? Kinda puts it in perspective.
The only solution is to immediately get a full-time job with a four hour commute and let them fend for themselves from now on. Because I will be leaving at 6 am every day and won’t be home till 8 pm.
Ha. (As if…)
In the end, I had to let a bunch of stuff fall down that will now impact my evening. But after all the unexpected running around and driving in snow I didn’t feel like tackling my chores when I got back wet, cold and starving. So I sat down with a cup of tea and wrote out this blog post.
PS. There’s an out of town hockey tournament coming up and I’m not going. Kinda looking forward to less work, less family and more downtime.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get back to my writing by then.