The struggle is (still) real

It’s interesting/annoying/exasperating just how much work it takes to be ‘in the background’ of family and parenting life.

Do you know what I mean by that?

It means doing all the things that make life happen smoothly and efficiently by finagling, coordinating, organizing, directing, supervising. That sort of thing. But to do it quietly, unobtrusively, or invisibly without drama or noise.

It takes mental focus and sanity, neither of which anyone seems to have much of these days. (Ugh)

To do all that managing-the-family from behind the scenes takes an emotional commitment that gets overlooked all the time by those who really shouldn’t be overlooking things.

I have been on both sides of the fence.

These days I’m the one who is invisible, sometimes by choice, but sometimes by default. It’s the latter that bothers me today.

Stomping your foot and crying that no one listens to you, hears you, notices you, or appreciates you doesn’t make them listen, hear, notice or appreciate you so don’t bother. (Tried it. Failed.)

The tricky part is to do it anyway, the managing and organizing and all that. Or so I tell myself (and anyone who wants to listen to me. Which is no one. Boo.)

You have to look inward. You have to do it because you want to do it. You have to do it for you.

If by default they end up with something they desired, well that’s a perk for them.

They’re lucky to have you. Even if they don’t notice you, or hear you, or appreciate you.

Anyway, I did all of the above. Stomping and crying and carrying on only to get a sideways glance and a snide comment about how my solution to the most recent teen-related situation will only alienate them.

I disagreed and outlined my reasons. We don’t see eye to eye, although remarks were made that there was at least a partial agreement on part of the argument.

But the solution they all wanted to happen impacted only one of us: me.

See what I’m saying here?

I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish today, but worked with an incomplete calendar with their stuff missing (and yet other people required something of me at specific times throughout the day). I also had a snowed-under, frozen car which required a half hour to defrost and dig out, eating more into my time.

But they assumed I was at their beck and call which only served to infuriate me more.

But you’re home all day“…remember that post? Kinda puts it in perspective.


The only solution is to immediately get a full-time job with a four hour commute and let them fend for themselves from now on. Because I will be leaving at 6 am every day and won’t be home till 8 pm.

Ha. (As if…)

In the end, I had to let a bunch of stuff fall down that will now impact my evening. But after all the unexpected running around and driving in snow I didn’t feel like tackling my chores when I got back wet, cold and starving. So I sat down with a cup of tea and wrote out this blog post.

You’re welcome.

PS. There’s an out of town hockey tournament coming up and I’m not going. Kinda looking forward to less work, less family and more downtime.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get back to my writing by then.




24 thoughts on “The struggle is (still) real

  1. Emotional work is no joke, and it seems like all moms have to endure it alone, so I understand your feelings completely! It sounds like you need to take a solo-vacay, even if it’s just a night away to yourself. Being/feeling taken for granted does a number on us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your post just numerated every reason society is becoming self absorbed and selfish. It does not happen by accident. It happens when your hard work and effort is unappreciated. After awhile, that leaves you jaded, and then comes the “to hell with you, do it yourself” attitude.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I cannot stand feeling invisible, especially with those closest to me. I used to feel like this an awful lot. I had long conversations with Hubby about it (he has always been great at listening when I tell him, so we do find ways around it) and we made changes along the way that worked for all of us. Some days, you just have to take the time to appreciate yourself. Some days you just have to deal with it and go on. Some days, you have to just let the world fall down around you and have a good cry before you can pick it all back up again.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wrote a beautiful gift book that applies a realistic and uncompromising lens to what raising children under 5 is really about. I worked with two talented photographs to capture real life photos of mums and their babies, toddlers and preschoolers. It was a best seller in my country. These days if I wrote it about raising teens, so many of the heart-thumping, snuggly and life-affirming parts would be absent. Parenting teens and tweens is hard bloody work. The one doing all the work is mostly invisible. I think only other mothers get that. We’re all told that when our kids get older or become parents themselves, they will be grateful. It’s not guaranteed, however. Mostly, I think this is part of the price of being a parent – self-sacrifice and being taken for granted. A bitter pill to swallow but that’s life – look at how animals mostly leave home without a backward glance. As humans, we probably get a good payback overall ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds like a lovely book. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Yeah, I’ve seen Tiger moms or other wild cats, and Wolves, walk off when they thought the offspring was ready to handle it. The heartbreak some of the babies expressed was hard to witness… ๐Ÿ˜‰ But I sure envied the mom at times. ๐Ÿ˜


  5. So much I would like to say because it is behavior like this from both kids and adult partners that infuriates me, however as an outsider looking in I don’t think unsolicited input of the ranting and bitching kind is appropriate. Know you are not alone though. Clearly from the comments many are in the middle of the same situation, and many like myself have probably chosen to make some serious changes because of being so tired of living this kind of life.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. You take care if yourselves and see what happens …. they will not like it but maybe it will change their ways a bit . Iโ€™m in a different league my kids are grown itโ€™s my partner ….. shall I say more. No๐Ÿ™„

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh girl I feel your pain. So been there. And it is maddening! Why is it that people/family assume that because youโ€™re in the vicinity of your house during the day that youโ€™re not busy or working ๐Ÿ™„. Organise a few days away for yourself with a friend and see how they manage without you? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

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