Living with teens at the end of the school year

I need to get this off my chest. I know I’m not the only one who has these challenges, and I hesitated if I should bother blogging about it all all. But you know what? I need some positive vibes here from you, or at least some commiserating… 🙄

So allow me to entertain you with a funny story first, and an exasperating one second.

First off, the girl child and her endless school lunches…OMG. What is it with some kids? She eats air for lunch, basically, which begs the question, WHY do I make her a school lunch?

So one day last week she asked to go to Subway with a friend at lunch recess. As of grade 6 they are allowed, with a note from a parent, to leave school property. I said yes, gave her some coins, and she went out with her friend to the local Subway across from the school.

When she came home she said she had a foot long sub. A FOOT long.

??

Not a half foot…do you understand how short my girl is? She is teeny tiny for an 11yo. And she refuses to eat my lunches I pack for her, even if I specifically ask her WHAT she wants to eats. She brings it home untouched, mostly.

But a foot long sub for a kid who’s 4 foot 3 inches… That’s some kind of crazy if you ask me. 🙃

Her request for today’s lunch: pie
Response from mom: denied*  😛

*There was no pie and pie is not lunch. However, school is done in 3 weeks and if she wants pie and there is pie maybe I’ll just give her freaking pie and write off the rest of the school year as futile in terms of nutrition. Who cares. 😂

Now about my teenager, that wonderful boy of mine who seems to have turned into some sort of creature I hardly recognize anymore.

(source of images below: https://www.comicskingdom.com/zits/)

He texted me while I was in the shower this morning to never speak to him again because I didn’t wake him up or make him a full breakfast.

Scenario: I made breakfast for everyone who was up this morning like I do every morning. The boy wasn’t up nor getting up, so why bother? Every time I make him breakfast and he doesn’t show up until 20 minutes later and his egg is cold he throws it out.

I hate food waste. Also, food is expensive.

Note: waking up teenagers in this house does not guarantee an awake teenager or one that leaves the house on time for school. I have done it, this waking up teenagers, more often than I should, as I’ve blogged about here before. Sometimes, when he’s had a really late night of baseball or hockey, I wake him with a back rub. Because I love that boy, you know? No matter what, I do. ❤

But on regular, routine days? It doesn’t matter how many times I call, or what method I use to wake him up, he doesn’t make an appearance at the breakfast table until all the food had gone cold. And he’s late for the bus.

He has an alarm clock, we’ve had the talk on and off for months, and he still doesn’t get up.

If I parent him with punitive actions or some sort of consequences, he lashes out at me. ‘You’re a bully’ he says, or ‘you’re bullying me’.

I’m tired and he’s 14 and I quit. Get up, or not. Have breakfast, or not. Figure it out, sunshine. But this mom has officially quit.

PS: his11yo sister hasn’t been woken up since grade 5. She gets herself up, makes her own breakfast if I’m busy, and is out the door on time every day. Somehow she manages just fine.

Regarding the ‘never speak to me again’ comment: the boy needs a lift to dry-land training tonight (hockey). I wonder if he will speak to me when the time comes to get ready which would mean I would have to verbally respond…

I want to respect his request not to speak to him. He’s struggling with something and lashing out at me. But as far as I’m concerned, not speaking to him is an easy request to respect – it gives him a sense of power over himself (for lack of a better word) and realistically, he knows that this can’t go on for long. He is still a child and needs mothering, no matter how much he’s resisting.

So I will wait and see and respect the no speaking and then…probably take him to dry-land. He can go work out his negative energy with his hockey buddies at the gym.

Boo.

Going to be an interesting evening tonight.

Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

32 thoughts on “Living with teens at the end of the school year

  1. Oh my god I hear you. What is it with them? It’s such a cliché how they turn into strange, aliens creatures but so true. You are doing absolutely the right thing – let him sort himself out. Hopefully he’ll start appreciating you pretty quick. Stay strong and try not to let him get to you – remember there is scientific proof teenagers’ empathy levels drop around this age as they grow through an update on their frontal cortex development. They simply can not grasp the impact their behaviour has on others. He’ll grow out of it and come back to you. (I’m hoping mine will! Lol)

    Rob keeps saying ‘don’t do all this stuff for him when you just get cross when he isn’t grateful!’ But I can’t help myself – I love mine too! Mugs we all are but motherly ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As a mom of two teens, I feel your pain! I feel like my 14-y.o. son is purposefully difficult at times and enjoys being contrary for contrary’s sake. While I haven’t had the wake-up struggle with him, I’m still experiencing the clean up after yourself, clean yourself, and clean your mind struggle.

    My daughter isn’t a peach, but at least she cares about practicing good hygiene and not leaving crumbs behind.

    The parenting struggle is real!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ugh, puberty can be a real drag. My son doesn’t live with me, but with his dad. I hate that he lives with his dad, and I only get to see him when his friends are busy on the weekends. I tell myself that I want him home, every day, so that I can keep watch over him. But, I’m sure if I did, our relationship would be more like what you describe; him getting mad at me for having to wake him up every morning. Your kids are lucky they get a cooked breakfast, I don’t do that. if they want to eat, they get it themselves, or eat at school.
    P.S. my son gets money to eat the school food and always tells me that he never eats unless it’s pizza day. I’m glad I don’t pay for that, or he wouldn’t even get pizza day.
    P.S.S. my son is also 14, and I tell him daily that he makes me want to murder him for the things that he does. Is that too strong a comment? Is that bullying? There’s a reason hamsters eat their young.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I wish my lesson for him had worked. It did for a day, this morning I had issues again. But I walked away from it and left him to deal with it on his own.

      Such a hard age to go through, I remember…sigh.

      Like

  4. My teenager is currently asleep upstairs because he was awake all night. When he wakes up determines if I feed him or he fends for himself. If its a reasonable mealtime, he can eat when I eat. Otherwise he’s on his own. He’s done with school until fall. So I don’t have to get him up early. The joys of having an almost 18 year old.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We are living the EXACT same situation as you – lunches are a lottery – so much so that we have stopped making them. This has resulted in Miss 14 making herself chocolate spread sandwiches if she can get away with it. Miss 18 asks me to wake her up, and then grunts at me when I wake her. Lunchboxes regularly come home untouched – or are left at school until they have cultured new life forms. In other news, 18 fell out with us on Monday – she hasn’t sat down to any meals with us since.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. A great, entertaining read, better than the funnies.

    I can turn the page, or click away. You, however, are camped out in the middle of the adolescence.

    I don’t have kids, and I know I’m not equipped to deal with the conflicts. Nor am I really equipped to offer you anything other than a wish for strength and resolve. It sounds like you got this.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Things have already improved…:) The boy child just needed a break and when he got it realized that maybe he’s not quite ready to be “on his own” just yet.

      Also the silence was good for both of us. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  7. I think you have just shown us how we are all so different and how different your children are.
    I learnt very recently from my adult son that nagging helped him to “zone out” but when I stopped he had no one to blame except himself.
    Parenthood is an ongoing process which we are privileged to be able to be part of.
    Thoroughly enjoying your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This will pass….but you have a bit longer to go. My son use to say things like that all the time so I would go silent. They hate the silent treatment . Just go along with your day. and ask no questions if he says something nod . It works at times well it did for mine . lets say the teenage crap fades lol eventually . hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh Claudette, I have no practical advice. The only thing I can say is that someday they will leave and someday all of this will be such a distant memory that the only thing you will note is just how wonderful each child was because they will turn into competent adults…someday…a long time from now 😉

    Liked by 3 people

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