I have reached my limit. Suffocation is imminent. And so, me being me, I have developed an evil plan. 😈
I’ll tell you how this thing will unfold:
It will begin with one big, black, extra large, EMPTY garbage bag and it will end with (at least) one big, black, extra large, FULL garbage bag.
I’ve had vivid dreams about this scenario let me tell you. Picture it:
As I’m walking from one end of the house to the other, empty bag clutched in my left hand, my right hand will gingerly pick up every single item in my path. Once it’s in my hand I will do a quick analysis (kind of like Data from Star Trek, Next Generation). The analysis will determine the fate of the item in my hand.
If the item does not:
- spark joy (pfff)
- is immediately useful (probably not)
- does not belong to me (almost definitely not)
- is broken or chipped or otherwise malfunctioning (you know it will be)
- is missing a partner (socks, other things that come in pairs)
- doesn’t work (scissors, pens, kitchen/bathroom items)
- is missing a piece that aids in the functioning of the item (random electronic or electric devices, cables, accessories and associated crap, small appliances)
- doesn’t fit (clothing, shoes)
- is scratched or chipped (reading glasses, sun glasses, things with glass or mirrors)
- we already own 5349 of said items (baseball caps, cutlery, cables, markers, knickknacks)
- or is simply unidentifiable or otherwise mysterious, then
I will place the item in my big, black, empty garbage bag.
I am no longer interested in sorting, recycling, donating or selling anything. We are past due. Most of the stuff isn’t worth anything to anyone anyway at this point…
All the stuff must leave my premises before rage takes hold of me permanently.
Seriously, I feel like I’m drowning in stuff here.
YOU HAVE HAD YOUR CHANCE, I will tell them. (Frankly, they probably won’t even notice if I do this when they’re not here.)
And I’m not even talking about the lower level, basement office or kids rooms YET. That time will come, trust me. 😵
I’m just talking about the main floor, entrance way, back hall and kitchen. Also our bedroom, but only half of it. My half doesn’t need purging, de-cluttering or sorting.
So. Today being a rainy day and cool and wet is the perfect day to start.
When my bag is full, I will send it away to be incinerated wherever garbage goes to die.
Happy Tuesday everyone. See you in the comments. 🙂