Remember this post?
Or just look to the right of this page, at the top of this blog. It talks about discomfort and creativity. I need to see this every day to remind myself that I cannot go back down the path of letting others make me feel uncomfortable to the point of it inhibiting my creativity.
What an awkward sentence.
Ok…here’s what happened:
My friend, my partner and I were having lunch together after she and I went for a long walk with her dog whom I was sitting over the weekend.
The talk eventually ended up on the topic of the internet, and sharing on the internet.
I sat there quietly, listening to the two of them make statements about how they feel about ‘all those hashtags’ and ‘the endless sharing that people do’.
Neither was even aware of me. The conversation wasn’t targeted at me. I know this tangibly. But…
They were both caught in the moment of having found someone to talk to who shares in their opinion. That the internet is too full of people who share too much too often.
Both know I am active on the internet.
I sat there feeling uncomfortable, unworthy and insecure.
They both don’t like the public publishing on the internet and neither of them is involved in that way. Neither likes social media. If they have an app, it stays silent, ignored mostly.
They do however CONSUME the internet. A lot.
They just don’t contribute. (And they don’t have to. I understand that this is a personal perspective.)
My friend does use facebook, probably more than she admits. I know this because she sees my advertisements for dog walking on there. She asks me about how that’s going. So I know she goes on there to lurk.
I understand this.
But I question why they talked so liberally about their mutual disdain over all things internet while I was sitting right there, part of the conversation.
Maybe they referred to the teens, and their use of the internet today. I got the impression however that they were making general statements, partly for my benefit.
It was all very ambiguous.
We both have teens, her kids are the same age as mine. All of them are active in social media, using hashtags and all the rest of it.
Did I misunderstand something?
It still felt awkward.
I did not try to inject my point of view into their conversation. They are not interested in my creativity, that much is clear. I have tried to share some of my creativity with them. Mostly their interest is muted, polite, but not engaging. Not encouraging. Just…neutral.
I’m sure they don’t mind my creativity, it’s about the public sharing on the internet that has them uncomfortable.
That’s ok. To each his or her own. But I did stop inviting them to read me, to follow me. They know I’m on the internet, if they’re interested, they can find me.
I’m proud of my creativity on the internet. I like the dialogue, the friendships I’ve made, the inspiration that comes from seeing other people’s creativity. Not just the words, but the story telling, the supplemental photographs, the introspection, the reflections.
Even the daily recounts of what’s going on in your corner of the world interests me. It interests you too, you have told me so. In the comments, or in your own blog posts. Your day in another country is so similar, and so different, from mine. Without the internet, I would have never discovered this.
They don’t know this or understand this on the same level as I do.
At times, I feel very alone. But not on the internet. I don’t feel alone on the internet.
The disconnect is probably irreparable. Quite honestly, I don’t want to try to repair it. Why should I?
I’m here to stay. I want to, will continue, to blog and post to Instragram or share things on Twitter. I like it here.
I’m not leaving.