Irreparable disconnect

Remember this post?

Or just look to the right of this page, at the top of this blog. It talks about discomfort and creativity. I need to see this every day to remind myself that I cannot go back down the path of letting others make me feel uncomfortable to the point of it inhibiting my creativity.

What an awkward sentence.

Ok…here’s what happened:

My friend, my partner and I were having lunch together after she and I went for a long walk with her dog whom I was sitting over the weekend.

The talk eventually ended up on the topic of the internet, and sharing on the internet.

I sat there quietly, listening to the two of them make statements about how they feel about ‘all those hashtags’ and ‘the endless sharing that people do’.

Neither was even aware of me. The conversation wasn’t targeted at me. I know this tangibly. But…

They were both caught in the moment of having found someone to talk to who shares in their opinion. That the internet is too full of people who share too much too often.

Both know I am active on the internet.

I sat there feeling uncomfortable, unworthy and insecure.

They both don’t like the public publishing on the internet and neither of them is involved in that way. Neither likes social media. If they have an app, it stays silent, ignored mostly.

They do however CONSUME the internet. A lot.

They just don’t contribute. (And they don’t have to. I understand that this is a personal perspective.)

My friend does use facebook, probably more than she admits. I know this because she sees my advertisements for dog walking on there. She asks me about how that’s going. So I know she goes on there to lurk.

I understand this.

But I question why they talked so liberally about their mutual disdain over all things internet while I was sitting right there, part of the conversation.

Maybe they referred to the teens, and their use of the internet today. I got the impression however that they were making general statements, partly for my benefit.

It was all very ambiguous.

We both have teens, her kids are the same age as mine. All of them are active in social media, using hashtags and all the rest of it.

Did I misunderstand something?

It still felt awkward.

I did not try to inject my point of view into their conversation. They are not interested in my creativity, that much is clear. I have tried to share some of my creativity with them. Mostly their interest is muted, polite, but not engaging. Not encouraging. Just…neutral.

I’m sure they don’t mind my creativity, it’s about the public sharing on the internet that has them uncomfortable.

That’s ok. To each his or her own. But I did stop inviting them to read me, to follow me. They know I’m on the internet, if they’re interested, they can find me.

I’m proud of my creativity on the internet. I like the dialogue, the friendships I’ve made, the inspiration that comes from seeing other people’s creativity. Not just the words, but the story telling, the supplemental photographs, the introspection, the reflections.

Even the daily recounts of what’s going on in your corner of the world interests me. It interests you too, you have told me so. In the comments, or in your own blog posts. Your day in another country is so similar, and so different, from mine. Without the internet, I would have never discovered this.

They don’t know this or understand this on the same level as I do.

At times, I feel very alone. But not on the internet. I don’t feel alone on the internet.

Do you?

The disconnect is probably irreparable. Quite honestly, I don’t want to try to repair it. Why should I?

I’m here to stay. I want to, will continue, to blog and post to Instragram or share things on Twitter. I like it here.

I’m not leaving.



37 thoughts on “Irreparable disconnect

  1. So interesting how your friends talked about sharing on social media in the abstract as if they don’t know anybody in real life who does it ?!? So glad you’ve chosen to disregard their perspective and continue sharing your thoughts. That’s what I love about blogging. I DO enjoy interacting with readers, but the blogging is more about me writing–the writing, the expression is important. So keep writing!

    And thanks for reading WordSisters!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I do keep sharing, but applying filters is the tricky part. πŸ™‚ How do I keep sharing authentically while protecting people who don’t want to be involved?


  2. Good for you! I understand I have people in my world who cannot understand how I can be so active on social media .. well it’s really not for them to say the way I see it . It’s your choice our choice and if it makes you happy then that is good your not hurting anyone . So they do not have read . There I said it lol no disrespect to your friend or partner.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A very thought provoking and popular piece of writing Claudette, people I work with are aware I have a ‘blog of sorts’ but no one seems πŸ˜€ interested (thankfully) oh and what a very strange conversation you were party to?

    My take is various forms of social media serve different purposes, Twitter for those who ENJOY feeling offended, Facebook Group’s whether that be social or for school mums as with my sis in law, also WordPress’s which from what I can see are enjoyed by those more creative souls.

    As one of your commenters said in comments I am perhaps a bigger consumer than contributor, in fact I don’t have a FB neither am I on Twitter and yes my themed WordPress isn’t that popular but that doesn’t matter because I enjoyed the creative process and if at least one reader enjoys a tale or likes my photos then I’m happy so πŸ™‚ I really wouldn’t worry.

    My take is if writers here are watchful of the personal info they share or divulge then carry on creating and do nasty people read blogs? I’d say no.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry how you were treated and excluded. Note that I appreciate you as do many other people who read and follow your blog. I’ve found the blogging community to be supportive and creative and kind. Mostly. And when people aren’t, I have the choice to exclude them from my readership and comments section.

    Several bloggers have become real-life (in person) friends who are now dear to me.

    You are a creative. People don’t always understand and value creatives. I sense that all the time. But that doesn’t stop me from writing and doing photography. Those are my passions. Do what makes you happy. Write. You are a writer.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “They are not interested in my creativity, that much is clear. I have tried to share some of my creativity with them. Mostly their interest is muted, polite, but not engaging. Not encouraging. Just…neutral.” Your words quoted here, pretty much sums up my personal experience, to the extent that while I initially shared my blog with people who I thought would be interested or at least encouraging, I detected so little interest, (not even the polite form), that I no longer share it period. It’s sad when people you know can’t be excited about something you love doing. I don’t think they were necessarily directing their conversation at you, just careless talk, which nevertheless is hurtful.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am someone who consumes a lot more than I contribute but I did want to say that a lot of the sharing seems not genuine (maybe they were talking more about this kind). The sharing I have seen you do is very genuine.
    I feel like this when someone makes a comment about people spending too much time on their cell phones. This is a very general comment and I think they are talking about specific things on cell phones that they consider a waste of time. Much of the time I spend on my cell phone is reading ebooks – exactly the same thing as reading a paper book. Would they say the same thing if I was reading a paper book? People make judgments without knowing specifics.
    Sorry – I am not sure if that made sense. I do love your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It does make sense as I too have a library app on my phone and read it, a lot.

      The quality in content does have to be seeked out, I think. There is a lot of crap on the internet. I’m sure that is partly what they meant too.

      Thank you for your thoughts. πŸ˜‰


  7. This is personally all I use. Its my safe spot for the same reasons youre naming. I had to cancel my instagram several times because trashy strangers bug me and I never kept up with it anyway and can’t appreciate the competitive overtones. I dumped facebook (and twitter which I never understood anyway) shortly after my kids came with me because I didn’t feel I needed it anymore. But….to interject my 2 cents, what was *most likely* happening with your friends convo is that they were both carelessly each venting about a specific person they knew who annoyed them and it came off as overgeneralized ‘feels’ as tends to happen when people vent. One of those “no, i don’t mean you” things. They honestly and most probably weren’t even considering the personal activity of present company. That being said…it was indeed careless to not take all of that conpany into account!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know it wasn’t intentional, and most likely geared toward the bs the teens are into, but I could feel it. Not quite like a lecture, but some undertones. Not sure I can explain it.

      I use Instagram for story telling too. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve had experience of exactly the same situation in the past – and I continue to know a number of people that consume everything, but contribute nothing. I’m not so sure the internet is to blame though – it’s just given the people that would have judged others far more material to judge – which for them is probably akin to hitting the jackpot in terms of feeding their own validation.

    The closest, longest-lasting friendships I have made have all been on the internet.

    I think perhaps one of the most dangerous things the social internet has done is to validate minority opinions. The “algorithmic timeline” has surrounded people with an echo chamber of concordant voices – which empowers them to think that *everybody* shares their opinion – because that’s all they see – because that’s all they are shown.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. We all share as much as we are comfortable sharing. Different people want to talk about different things, and that’s fine.

    Whatever the opinions of others, you need to keep in mind that you know why you have a blog, what you want to post and what you are getting out of it. If someone else doesn’t get it, that really is their problem, not yours.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I am in a group that meets once a month and one of the women mentioned how the weekly alert on her phone about how much screen time she’s had feels like an admonishment. My number is high – higher than anyone else that day who shared – but I am proud of it. It’s my way of staying in touch, sharing photos, promoting my book and others in a Twitter group I am the admin for. Not to mention audiobooks, music and my children who live far away. People need to stop judging things that aren’t hurting anyone.
    To be fair, the woman who felt admonished said I was using it for good things and cheered me on because she is a wonderful friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I totally get this. I chose to give up my entire life and my friends to move to Arkansas to take care of my Mom. The friends and I haven’t stayed in touch really and Mom and I don’t have a relationship where we communicate much, other than about her basic needs “Do you need some water? A blanket? The Kindle? A snack?” so I often feel very alone in this life I’m in now. But all I have to do is jump on the internet and here are all my internet friends and I am no longer alone.

    Internet friends seem to notice quicker than flesh & blood friends if I haven’t been around for a few days and ask if everything’s ok.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think it takes both. Real relationships are crucial to mental health.

      I’m not forcing my ways on them but they didn’t even really notice how their method of communicating about a mutual point of view in front of me made me feel small and insignificant. And basically confirmed a disregard toward me and my creativity.

      I don’t know…

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I don’t know you so take this for what it’s worth. I applaud you for picking up and moving to take care of your Mom. The time you spend doing this will give you strength and comfort for the rest of your life. I hope you are able to get some IRL connection outside of your Mom so that you feel cared for as well. Being a caretaker is hard and often lonely.

      Liked by 3 people

  12. That’s people for you. They are hard to get along with. One reason social media is compelling is because it allows you to deal with people at a distance. The most important tool is that you can ignore somebody if you don’t like what they are saying, and go to somebody who is more understanding and compatible. I know my life has shifted from mainly offline to mainly online, and I view it as a good thing. It hurts when it is a partner and a friend, but they are people just like everyone else.

    Liked by 2 people

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